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Ftonlispiece 

“ PASSING HIS DUSTER LIGHTLY OVER HER ONCE OR 

TWICE” 


See p. i6i 



AMY DORA’S 
AMUSING DAY 

OR 

The Naughty Girl Who Ran Away 


Possibly some sense, certainly a good deal 
of nonsense, for the entertainment of 
those who like that sort of thing 


By 

FRANK M. BICKNELL 

*^1 


With Illustrations 
By Florence Scovel Shinn 


Y 

PHILADELPHIA 

Henry Altemus Company 


library of CONGRESS 
Two Copies Received 


NOV 15 »904 

Copyricnt tntry 
3LASS^ XXc. Noi 

f‘oU\ 



Copyright, 1904 
By Henry Altemus 


CONTENTS 


CHAPTER I 

The Baby-carriage that Came of Itself . 

CHAPTER H 

The Mysterious “Present at Window B” 

CHAPTER III 

The Simple-minded Waitress 

CHAPTER IV 

The Sorrows of the Fat Lady . 

CHAPTER V 

The Professor’s Magic Tricks . 

CHAPTER VI 

The Queer Old Waxworks Man 

CHAPTER VH 

The Checked Baby and the Tearful Mother 


PAGE 

. 13 

. 43 

. 67 

. 91 

. 117 

. 145 

169 


[vii] 


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ILLUSTRATIONS 


PAGE 

“Passing his duster lightly over her once or 

twice ” . . . . . . Frontispiece ^ 

“ ‘ Oh, you little monster you are so hideous ! ’ ” 17 

“The conveyance started off at a moderate 

pace” 55 

“‘What is eat-it-and-see pudding?’” . , 77 ^ 

“‘The Living Skeleton desired to be remem- 
bered to you’” 101 

* Real poo, or none at all ! ’ ” . , . 133 

“‘I sailed gently down’” 151 

“ ‘Now, Amy Dora, tell me the whole story’ ” 179 


[ix] 


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The Baby-carriage 
That Came of Itself 


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AMY DORA’S AMUSING DAY 


CHAPTER I ^ 

THE BABY-CARRIAGE THAT CAME OF 
ITSELF 

W HAT Aunt Lucie said was, “I 
trust you will behave yourself 
while I am gone, and I^m sure 
you won’t let the dog get out and run 
away and what Amy Dora replied was, 
‘‘ Certainly, and certainly not after 
which Aunt Lucie, who had undertaken 
the charge of her niece for the day, went 
off to the Horse Show with the hand- 
some young man who hoped sometime 
to become Amy Dora’s Uncle-by-mar- 
riage Jack. 

‘‘ I promised to behave,” mused Amy 
Dora, as she stood at the window and 
watched the carriage disappear around 

[ 13 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


the corner, ‘'but I didn’t say how I 
should behave or where. I’m sure I can 
do it just exactly as well out of doors as 
in ; and what’s the use of being left to 
take care of one’s self if one isn’t to do it 
in the way that suits one best ? I never 
have had the chance before, and may not 
have it again, and I’ll tell you what I’m 
going to do, Amy Dora Applegate : I’m 
going down-town on a shopping-tour, 
all alone, just as Mamma does. As for 
that bothering dog, of course I sha’n’t 
let him get out and run away. That 
would he silly. If he gets out and runs 
away it will be without any letting from 
me. ^ However, I’ll go and take a look 
at him, to be sure he’s there all safe, be- 
fore I leave.” 

The dog, which she found curled up 
on a hassock in the library, was a pug 
of the very puggiest description. So 
ugly was he, in spite of his sleek coat, 
his smart collar, and the broad piece of 
baby blue ribbon about his neck, that it 
seemed as if nobody could possibly make 
him an object of affection; yet Amy 
[ 14 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Dora’s grandmother, to whom he be- 
longed, loved him as much as if he 
had been a child. Nearly heart- 
broken, she had left him, with many 
fears and unnumbered cautions, while 
she went to spend a fortnight with 
an old friend who owned a mastiff 
so large and savage that he could, 
and, perhaps would, have swallowed 
little Gyppie in three mouthfuls. So 
Gyppie’s mistress had tearfully en- 
trusted him to the family of her son 
until her return. 

“ Oh, you little monster, you are so 
hideous I should think it would give 
you the neuralgia,” cried Amy Dora, as 
the pug half opened his wicked, reddish 
eyes at her entrance. She did not like 
dogs very well, but this particular dog 
she liked less than any other she had ever 
seen. 

Gyppie, who appeared fully to return 
her dislike, now opened his mouth as 
well as his eyes, and, baring his excel- 
lent teeth, growled threateningly, caus- 
ing Amy Dora to retreat hastily and 

[ 15 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


close the library door with her own 
dainty person safe outside. 

“There’s no danger of his getting 
away,” she decided. “ I don’t believe I 
could drive him away with a stick. I 
might go and tell the servants the same 
thing that Aunt Lucie told me — not to 
let him out — but they have all been told 
that about a hundred times already by 
Grandma, and couldn’t know it any bet- 
ter if I were to repeat it a hundred times 
more. They would only think I was 
meddling needlessly, so I am not going 
near them. If I don’t hurry I sha’n’t get 
down in season to do all the shopping I 
wish to.” 

It will be proper to explain here that 
Amy Dora lived in the popular city of 
Yew Nork, which lies between the Yeast 
and the Froth Divers, and across the 
Bridges just opposite the populous city 
of Creeklyn, where so many persons go 
daily to spend the night. 

Descending the long flight of brown- 
stone steps leading from her father’s 
beautiful brownstone house, num- 
[ 16 ] 



“‘OH, YOU LITTLE MONSTER, YOU AJ?B SO HIDEOUS”’ 


[ 17 ] 


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Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


bered 4 Five hundred and sixty- 
seventh Street, to the sidewalk, Amy 
Dora, with her shopping-bag on her arm, 
her purse in her hand, and her hand- 
kerchief tucked under her belt, took her 
demure way toward the great main ave- 
nue that led to that most attractive 
spot, the district where the stores and 
shops were. She never had been down- 
town alone, and her knowledge of how 
to get there was rather vague. Still, 
from having gone several times with her 
mother, she liad ideas on the subject. 
She understood something of the ways 
of trolley cars, and that it was not neces- 
sary when you wished to board one to 
rush out and stand in the middle of the 
street shaking your umbrella threaten- 
ingly at the driver. The railway on 
the avenue had all the modern improve- 
ments, so that when she saw a car com- 
ing she simply pressed an electric button 
on the iron post at the corner, and im- 
mediately a gong sounded loudly, and a 
sign with the word ‘‘ Stop !’’ printed on 
it in large letters dropped into such a 
[ 19 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


position as to be seen plainly by the 
motorman. 

There were no other passengers, so 
Amy Dora had the car all to herself, and 
as it was a new, clean, comfortable one, 
she felt much better satisfied than if she 
had been riding in her own private car- 
riage. The conductor was a good-look- 
ing young man, in a spick-span uniform 
to match the car, and his pink, boyish 
face was wreathed in the pleasantest of 
smiles. When he came to take her fare 
he thanked her for the five-cent piece 
she handed to him, and then remarked, 
sociably : 

Going into the suburbs where the 
green fields are, I suppose ? Five hun- 
dred and seventy!' 

Oh, no,’’ she replied ; I’m going 
down-town where the shops are.” 

‘‘ Indeed !” returned the conductor, 
seeming a little surprised ; then, after a 
moment of hesitation, he said, ‘‘ Excuse 
my natural curiosity, but were you — 
were you thinking of going down-town in 
this car ? Five hundred and seventy-one!' 

[ 20 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


‘‘ I was and am,” Amy Dora answered, 
with dignity. 

“ Because,” the man continued, diffi- 
dently, we are — we happen to be go- 
ing the — the other way just at present.” 

“ Oh, then I must get right out,” ex- 
claimed Dora, jumping up in a flutter. 

“ No, don't !” entreated the conductor ; 
‘‘ I have much farther to go, and the car 
looks so lonely with no one in it — like 
a vase without a flower, you know. Ke- 
main and continue to — to ornament it, I 
beg. Five hundred and seventy-two. 
Then, moreover, you will waste nearly 
all your flve cents if you leave now. 
You have ridden only about six blocks, 
and you might ride almost sixty. Be 
advised by me, and continue on to the 
terminus of the line. Then you can 
take a train on the new gravity road, 
which is one of the sights of the city, 
and go to the very end of down-town if 
you like ; and it will cost you no more 
than if you were to get out now. Five 
hundred and s&venty-three'^ 

“Very well,” assented Amy Dora, re- 

L21] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


seating herself ; I will do as you advise. 
I have plenty of time — at least I have 
all there is, which is as much as anybody 
can have.’’ 

Quite true,” said the conductor. 

How do you like the scenery along my 
route?” he inquired presently, by way 
of making himself agreeable. 

Amy Dora glanced through the win- 
dow at the brownstone block they were 
passing — a block appearing exactly like 
a dozen others that had come before it 
— and replied, doubtfully : 

** It is good, clean scenery, but I think 
— don’t you yourself think there is a 
good deal of sameness to it ?” 

Five hundred and seventy- four. It 
may be so — yes, it is so, now I come to 
reflect upon it,” said the conductor. “ By 
the way, if I might take the liberty, how 
many s’s do you put at the end of the 
word sameness 

‘‘ Which end do you mean ?” 

‘‘Oh, not the front end; the rear end 
— the back platform, as you might say. 
Five hundred and seventy-jive,^^ 

[ 22 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ I put one,” returned Amy Dora. 

‘‘Oh!” remarked the conductor, in 
rather a disappointed tone. “ Now, 
do you know, I fancied there were 
two.” 

“No,” said Amy Dora, positively; 
“ only one at the end, but there is another 
next to the end; perhaps you were 
thinking of that,” she suggested, consol- 
ingly. 

The conductor’s face brightened. 
“ Five hundred and seventy-six. It is 
quite possible I was,” he said, “ though 
spelling never has been my strong point. 
When I went to school down in the 
country the master used to have spelling- 
matches twice a week all summer long, 
and I usually got the booby prize— or 
would have done so had any been offered. 
I can tell you it was warm work stand- 
ing up there and spelling as hard as you 
knew how for three or four hours on a 
July afternoon. Our master used to say, 
at the close of a match, ‘ We’ve had a 
long, dry spell, so about this time expect 
a change.’ Then one of the big boys 
[ 23 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


would carry around the water-pail and 
tin dipper and give us all a drink. Five 
hundred and seventy -seven^ 

At Five Hundred and Seventy-sev- 
enth Street the car stopped and the con- 
ductor hurried out to his position on 
the platform. Presently there entered a 
tall, elderly man with a long beard, and, 
trotting behind him, like a dog, came an 
immense Angora cat of a silver-gray 
color. The old gentleman seated himself 
nearly opposite Amy Dora, and, spread- 
ing a little embroidered blanket across 
his knees, said, patting them and ad- 
dressing the cat : 

‘‘ Up, Harry !” 

With amazing nimbleness, consider- 
ing his bulk, the Angora sprang into his 
master^s lap, where he seated himself 
with a dignified mien and began to eye 
Amy Dora composedly and critically. 

‘‘We sit edgewise to avoid paying two 
fares,’’ the old gentleman explained to 
Amy Dora, then added, “ I call him 
Harry because he is hairy, are n’t you 
Harry?” 


[ 24 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


The cat gravely nodded, while his 
master slowly stroked his long fur. 

“ And we don’t like to waste money, 
do we ?” ^ 

The cat shook his head. 

‘‘ Five cents will buy a big piece of 
meat, eh ?” 

The cat nodded. 

“ Do you like meat, Harry ?” 

The cat nodded emphatically. 

“ Nice broiled steak, well done, eh ?” 

The cat shook his head several times, 
as if in strong disapproval. 

“ Oh, raw, then ?” amended his master. 

The cat nodded and gave voice to a 
very faint mew. 

He is an intelligent cat, you see,” 
said the old gentleman, addressing Amy 
Dora, who was regarding the Angora 
with the greatest interest. “Already he 
can answer easy questions in ye8 and no^ 
and he is learning every day. Tell the 
young lady about some of your accom- 
plishments, Harry. Let us see, you are 
something of a player. Can you play on 
the flute?” 


[ 25 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Harry shook his head. 

On the violin, then 

Another shake more emphatic than 
before. 

‘‘ Dear me ! Well, can you play on 
the bass drum?’’ ^ 

At this Harry nodded decidedly. 

Can he really play the bass drum ?” 
Amy Dora asked, incredulously. ‘‘ How 
I should like to see him — I mean hear 
him — no, I mean both.” 

‘‘ Pardon me,” returned the old gentle- 
man. ‘‘ I didn’t say he could play the 
bass drum ; I said he could play on it. 
He jumps on top of the drum and plays 
at trying to catch his tail. It seems to 
amuse him a great deal.” 

‘‘ Oh !” said Amy Dora, in a disap- 
pointed tone. 

‘‘ Still,” continued the old gentleman, 
‘‘ Harry is not entirely unmusical. 
Would you like to hear him hum a 
tune?” 

Can he hum ?” 

He can hum some. Show the young 
lady what you can do, Harry. Give us 
[ 26 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


My Bonniey will you? Watch his lips 
closely, my dear. Now, Harry.^’ 

Fixing her gaze on the cat’s mouth, 
Amy Dora saw his lips open slightly, 
then she heard what might be described 
as something between a mew and a 
squeak, a very little like a hum, and 
a good deal like a phonograph with a 
sore throat trying to sing. It was 
not very melodious, still the air of 
“ Bring Back My Bonnie to Me ” was 
easily to be recognized. 

« It’s — it’s astonishing ! ” exclaimed 
Amy Dora. 

‘‘Isn’t it?” returned the old gentle- 
man, smiling in a peculiar way; then, 
with an abrupt change to a graver man- 
ner, he said : “ My dear, I’m an old 
humbug. Harry really does know a 
good deal, but he doesn’t know quite so 
much as I have tried to make out. I 
told you to watch his lips during the 
musical performance so you wouldn’t 
watch mine. It was I who made the 
noise away down deep in my throat. 
Ventriloquism, you know. Harry only 
[ 27 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


opened his mouth ; IVe trained him to 
do it, just as I’ve taught him to nod or 
shake his head when I give him certain 
signals with my fingers, which, you may 
have noticed, I keep buried in his fur. 
I hope you will forgive me my little 
deception.” 

‘‘ I am very glad you told me,” re- 
sponded Amy Dora, ‘‘ because I thought 
Harry was almost too wonderful a cat to 
be quite true.” 

‘‘Yes, yes, just so — er — I believe this 
next is my street. Down, Harry. Good- 
bye.” And, smiling in a friendly man- 
ner, the old gentleman refolded the 
blanket and departed with the Angora 
at his heels. 

Soon after this the conductor came 
back to Amy Dora and continued what 
he had been saying from the point where 
he had broken off. 

“ If I can’t spell as glibly and cor- 
rectly as some others,” he told her, “ I 
can pronounce with perfect clearness — 
which is a great advantage to one of my 
calling. Five h/andred and eighty-six^ 
[ 28 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


For example ?” returned Amy Dora, 
in a questioning tone, for she did not 
quite understand. 

“ For example,” he repeated, if you 
wished to be let out at Five Hundred 
and Ninety-ninth Street, which is the 
nearest point to the Wouter Van Twiller 
Monument in Peter Stuyvescent Park, 
and I should shout when we reached 
there, ‘ Fi-ni-ni, neestpoinwoutvntwlr- 
monmt ’n Peerstvstprk,’ you might not 
— I say it is possible you might not — 
fully realize that you had arrived at 
your stopping-place. But I never call 
streets in that slovenly way, as if my 
mouth were full of hot hasty pudding. 
On the contrary, I always speak slowly, 
articulate clearly, and give to each sepa- 
rate syllable its true value. Five hun- 
dred and eighty- seven. 

I should hope so,” said Amy Dora, 
who could not but think that he was wast- 
ing his breath in calling the streets at all 
when there was no one but himself and her 
in the car. However, perhaps he was 
only obeying the rules of the company. 

[ 29 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Just beyond Six Hundred and Twenty- 
first Street they arrived at the car-sheds 
which marked the terminus of the rail- 
way line, and as the car stopped the 
conductor remarked complacently : 

Now some conductors say at this 
point, ‘ Farswego, allout,’ but I say, 
‘ Madam, permit me to inform you that 
we have reached the extreme limit of 
our route, and allow me to assist you 
to alight/ You see the difference at 
once/’ 

‘‘ Oh, yes,” returned Amy Dora, much 
flattered at being spoken to as madam ” 
like a grown-up lady, ‘‘ your way is far 
preferable, I am sure. Thank you for 
helping me out.” 

‘‘You are very welcome,” said the 
conductor, “ and I have only to add that 
if you will walk the length of one block 
through to the next avenue you will find 
a station of the gravity railway.” 

Amy Dora thanked him again, and 
walked away in the direction he had in- 
dicated. The station was easily found, 
for it proved to be in the top of a tower 
[ 30 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


so lofty that it seemed almost to touch 
the clouds. 

‘‘ Oh, dear ! how am I to get up there 
she exclaimed, in dismay. 

“There’ll be no trouble about that,” 
said a voice near her. The speaker was 
a stout, red-faced, jolly-looking woman, 
dowdily dressed and carrying a huge, 
baggy umbrella. “You didn’t think 
you’d have to walk, did you?” she 
queried, with a laugh. “ Mercy on me ! 
if I had to climb stairs to take a gravity 
train I shouldn’t get down-town once in 
an elephant’s age. No ; there’s an easier 
way than that. In each tower there’s 
an elevator to take you up, or if you’re 
in a hurry — ” 

“ Oh, I’m not in the least hurry,” in- 
terrupted Amy Dora. 

“I say,” continued the stout woman, 
“ if you’re in a hurry you can call it a 
lift ; many people do nowadays. Come, 
and I’ll show you.” 

Glad of a guide, Amy Dora accom- 
panied her new acquaintance. At the 
foot of the tower they paid their fares 

[ 31 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


and passed through a gate into a roomy 
elevator which was already nearly filled 
with passengers. When it started up- 
ward it did so with almost as much force 
as if it had been shot out of a gun, and 
Amy Dora was relieved when, after a 
few seconds, it reached the top in safety. 

Why did they build this tower so 
tremendously high she asked, as they 
entered one of the cars of a waiting 
train. 

“ So as to get a good start,’’ answered 
the stout woman. They use no locomo- 
tive, but go by gravity, like sliding 
downhill, you know.” 

Sure enough, at this moment a loud 
voice was heard calling, Let her slide !” 
and the train was off at a rate of speed 
seeming scarcely less than that of the 
elevator. 

‘‘ Oh, why do they go so fast?” cried 
Amy Dora, in some alarm. 

‘‘ They can’t do otherwise, there’s so 
much downness,” explained her traveling 
companion. The train is running down- 
hill, down-town, and down south — that 

[ 32 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


is, toward the southern part of the city — 
which, taken altogether, makes a good 
deal of descent. But don’t worry, it’s 
perfectly safe, and even if it weren’t 
what would be the good of worrying? 
I make it a rule never to worry. I 
learned a lesson of a neighbor of mine. 
She had a beautiful new bonnet which 
she was hoping to wear for the first time 
to church on Easter Sunday. The Sat- 
urday evening before it came up cloudy 
and looked like rain, although the 
weather people said it was going to be 
fair. But this woman she worried so 
much for fear it would rain Sunday, or 
for fear it would look like rain and she 
wouldn’t know whether to venture out 
or not, or for fear she might go to 
church and get caught in a shower and 
ruin her beautiful new bonnet, that she 
actually didn’t sleep a wink all night. 
Next day ’twas pleasant after all — not a 
cloud to be seen from morning till night. 
But the woman was down with a sick 
headache and couldn’t lift her head from 
the pillow all day long. She was terri- 
[ 33 ] 


3 


Amy Dora s Amusing Day 


bly disappointed, but if she hadn’t been 
so foolish with her worrying she might 
have had a good night’s rest and worn 
her new bonnet to church and been per- 
fectly happy, just as well as not. 

‘‘Now I might have done a lot of 
worrying this very morning,” the stout 
woman went on, “ if I had been one of 
the worrying kind. I had planned ever 
so much to do down-town, and I was 
bothered, so I was late in starting, and 
I’m sure I’ve had enough to worry ten 
ordinary women. For one thing, I broke 
off my youngest daughter’s nose — ” 

“What?” cried Amy Dora, in sur- 
prise. 

“ Oh, dear ! what am I saying ?” re- 
turned the stout woman, laughing. “ I 
mean I dropped a pitcher of hot water 
that I was taking upstairs and broke 
the nose. But the pitcher was my 
youngest daughter’s, so I suppose the 
nose must have been hers, too, after all.” 

The stout woman, who was very talk- 
ative, rattled on incessantly, although 
Amy Dora’s attention wandered some- 

[ 34 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


times, so much was she impressed with 
the novelty of her journey over — or 
down — the gravity road. She hardly 
dared look out upon the scenery lest the 
doing so should make her dizzy ; there- 
fore she took care to fix her gaze upon 
objects inside the car. She was not long 
in noticing a framed list of “ Kules and 
Regulations to Passengers,’’ some of 
which read as follows : 

‘‘No Joking. The Gravity of this 
Railway Must Not be Disturbed. 

“ Passengers are strictly forbidden to 
fall out of the windows — especially dur- 
ing busy hours. 

“ Passengers breaking the above rule 
are earnestly entreated not to fall upon 
the heads of passers-by in the street 
below — especially aged persons and 
young children unaccompanied by their 
parents. 

“ Passengers are courteously cautioned 
against throwing things at cats on the 
roofs along the line — particularly j^et 
cats. 

“ Passengers of the male sex are 
[ 35 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


strongly advised not to throw kisses at 
the servant maids hanging out clothes 
along the line — particularly the pretty 
ones. 

‘‘ Passengers wishing to leave the train 
at any station are requested to be at the 
car-door one minute or less before that 
station is reached. Passengers desiring 
to leave the train between stations are 
requested not to do so.” 

What are you thinking about ?” 
asked the stout woman, inquisitively, 
after Amy Dora had several times be- 
trayed her inattention. 

Oh, I — I was wondering where would 
be a good place to go shopping,” Amy 
Dora answered, collecting her wits. 

‘‘ What do you wish to buy ?” 

“ 1 don’t know that I shall really buy 
anything, but — ” 

“ Then, by all manner of means, visit 
the great department store of Pennypul- 
ler. Pinch & Trotbouncing,” advised the 
stout woman ; that’s the best place in 
the city not to buy things, because, some- 
how, they seldom have just what you 
[ 36 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


want, and you can look all you like and 
then tell them so without fibbing/' 

“ Does this train pass that store ?" 
asked Amy Dora, eagerly. 

‘‘ Well, no, it doesn't exactly pass it, 
but it passes the nearest point to it." 

‘‘ Will you please tell me when we 
reach the nearest point. I can't under- 
stand a word the guard says." 

‘‘ No, nor can any one else," returned 
the stout woman. “ He's a foreigner, 
and I'm sure it's all he can do to under- 
stand himself. I — this is our station," 
she exclaimed, jumping up and fairly 
pulling Amy Dora from her seat. 
‘‘Hurry and get out, or they'll carry 
you by." 

Amy Dora hurried accordingly, hav- 
ing just time to set foot upon the platform 
before the train whizzed away. The 
stout woman was less fortunate, and the 
last Amy Dora saw of her she was lean- 
ing far over the gate of the car, waving 
her baggy umbrella, while the guard was 
holding on to her with might and main 
to prevent her from falling. 

[ 37 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


The tower on which the station was 
built was not nearly so high as the first 
one — being hardly more than twelve 
stories — but she was glad when, after 
having been dropped in the elevator 
with great suddenness, she stood once 
more safe in the street. She was much 
annoyed, however, to find that she could 
not recall the name of the firm which 
kept the great department store. She 
could not inquire her way, therefore, but 
was forced to set out at random, hoping 
to come upon it by some lucky chance. 
But she walked on and on for a long 
time without seeing anything that looked 
like the establishment described by the 
stout woman. 

Walking in the business part of the 
city was not a pleasure, she thought. 
People jostled her continually, the cross- 
ings were much more frequent than up- 
town, and she was obliged to hurry over 
them at breathless speed to avoid the 
horses’ hoofs and the truck-wheels that 
appeared to be trying their hardest to 
knock her down. 


[ 38 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


By and by she reached a side street 
which was a great deal less crowded than 
the others through which she had come. 
Indeed, as she looked up along it she saw 
on the sidewalk only one object, namely, 
a baby-carriage, or perambulator, or, as 
some call it for short, a pram. She 
looked at this little vehicle carelessly at 
first, then with a sudden increase of in- 
terest. Yes, she was right, it certainly 
was moving in her direction. Like a 
gravity train — though much more slowly 
— it was moving down the gentle decline 
toward her. The corner on which she 
stood was level ; when the carriage 
reached her it stopped, and she bent for- 
ward to look into it. 

Its occupant, apparently asleep, was 
so well covered as to be invisible. Hesi- 
tatingly she stretched forth her hand and 
lifted the several layers of lace from the 
pillow. She peeped in, then, with a little 
scream of astonishment, sprang back. 
What she saw there was not a baby at 
all, but — 


[ 39 ] 


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The Mysterious 


“Present at Window B” 





CHAPTER II 


THE MYSTERIOUS PRESENT AT WIN- 
DOW B ’’ 

T O repeat, what Amy Dora saw in the 
carriage was not a baby, but — a 
big wax doll ? No. A bundle of 
freshly laundered linen ? No. Some 
packages of sugar, coffee, tea, and other 
groceries? Oh, no, none of these, but a 
small, black-faced, blunt-nosed, wicked- 
eyed pug dog with a sleek coat and a 
strip of baby blue ribbon tied around his 
fat neck. 

“ Why, Gyppie Applegate,’’ cried 
Amy Dora, in amazement and conster- 
nation, how in the world came you 
here ?” 

In lieu of reply the dog leered at her 
maliciously and strove to get free of his 
wrappings, as if preparing to jump out 
of the pram. Wishing to prevent this 
at all costs, Amy Dora conquered her 

[ 43 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


repugnance, and, bending forward, said 
in her most honeyed tones : 

‘‘ You dear, darling, sweet little thing, 
do lie still, there’s a good doggie.” 

But the “ good doggie,” doubtless well 
I aware in his secret heart that he was one 
of the ugliest, most ilhnatured little 
beasts that ever lived, resented her flat- 
tery with an angry yelp, and, springing 
from the perambulator, scurried away up 
the street as fast as his short legs would 
allow. 

“Oh, dear! you mustn’t do that,” 
called Amy Dora, in alarmed reproach. 
“ Come back, please do come back !” 

The pug paid no heed to her en- 
treaties; if anything he made off* the 
faster on account of them, until, in 
another minute, he was lost to view 
around a corner. Greatly distressed, she 
hurried after him, dragging the pram as 
best she could behind her, and was just 
in time to see him dive headlong into an 
overturned barrel lying in the street 
next the curbstone. As he did not re- 
appear she now had some hope of catch- 

[ 44 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


ing him. But after stealing cautiously 
up to the barrel she discovered, to her 
dismay, that it had no bottom, and that 
the little fellow had merely run through 
it. She looked hurriedly about on all sides 
for some trace of him, but quite in vain ; 
this time he had taken himself out of 
her sight for good. 

Now what was to be done? Amy 
Dora knew she would be held to account 
for the dog’s escape unless she could re- 
capture him and get him home before 
Aunt Lucie had returned. Yet she 
could not very well hunt for him, bur- 
dened with the carriage as she was, and 
if she were to leave the carriage it almost 
surely would be stolen. While consid- 
ering what she ought to do, she walked 
slowly along by the rear of a large ware- 
house until she came to a wide, open 
doorway, over which hung a sign, ‘‘ Ship- 
ping Department.” A dray was backed 
up to the sidewalk and two stout fel- 
lows were putting a heavy case of 
goods into it. Just within the doorway 
stood a shirt-sleeved man wearing a 
[ 45 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


straw hat, a gunnybag apron, and very 
old shoes with big holes cut in the uppers. 
This person, who was the shipper, looked 
at Amy Dora in such a friendly way that 
she resolved to accost him. 

“ If you please, may I leave this car- 
riage in your charge for a while ?” she 
inquired. 

“Certainly,” the man replied; then, 
noticing the pillows and wraps, he asked, 
“ Where’s the little one ?” 

“Oh, he jumped out and ran away,” 
she answered. “I am going to chase 
him now.” 

The man stared a little, but made no 
comment. He took the carriage and 
promised to keep it until she should 
call for it. She thanked him and 
started on. 

I fear I shall not find the naughty 
fellow,” she said to herself; but she 
walked about the neighborhood looking 
everywhere for the pug until she was 
thoroughly tired out and discouraged. 

“ I must give up the search for the 
present, and go in somewhere and rest,” 

[ 46 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


she thought. “ If only I could find that 
place the stout woman mentioned — 
Moneygrabber, Pounce & Tiddleywink- 
tum’s, or whatever else the name may 
be.’’ 

Almost at the next moment, chancing 
to raise her eyes, she read, upon an 
enormous sign across the street, the in- 
scription, Penny puller. Pinch & Trot- 
bouncing’s Great Department Stores.” 

“ That’s it ! those are they !” she cried 
joyfully, and, hurrying over, she entered 
the spacious doorway. 

The first person she met inside was a 
small boy in a neat green and gold uni- 
form, who drew the door open with a 
flourish, made her a low bow, and in- 
quired suavely : What would you like 
to see, madam ?” 

Everything,” replied Amy Dora, 
feeling very grand at being called 
‘‘ madam ” again. 

‘‘ Yes,” returned the boy, raising his 
eyebrows until they nearly met the bor- 
ders of his sleek and nicely parted hair, 
and what would you like to buy ?” 

[ 47 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ I — I don’t quite know yet/’ replied 
Amy Dora evasively. ‘‘ I suppose you 
keep everything that any one could 
want.” 

“Well, really, I am hardly prepared 
to say that,” returned the boy cautiously, 
“ though we keep everything that most 
people want. Should you require a 
house-lot on Thrift Avenue, or a very 
large ocean steamship, or — or a million- 
dollar government bond, however, we 
might not be prepared to supply it — 
immediately.” 

Amy Dora meditated a moment, then, 
struck by a bright thought, exclaimed : 
“You have bargains, do you not?” 

“ Bargains !” repeated the boy, with a 
superior air, “ well, now, I should ven- 
ture to remark that we did. Why, 
my dear madam, this is our bargain 
day.” 

“ Indeed !” said Amy Dora, looking 
much pleased, “ I am glad to hear that. 
My mamma :hem ! a very dear friend 
of mine tells me she thinks highly of 
bargains and always prefers to go shop- 

[ 48 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


ping on bargain days. What are some 
of your bargains, please !” 

“ Let me think,’’ said the boy. Oh — 
ah — er — our list to-day comprises some 
superfine three-ply potato sacks — or pos- 
sibly I mean three-peck potato-sacks, 
and some genuine American sawhorses. 
I can recommend the sawhorses as being 
very stable. We have also,” he contin- 
ued, seeing that his customer did not 
appear interested in potato-sacks or saw- 
horses, ‘‘ lamp-wicking and rat-tail files, 
doll’s tooth-brushes and chimney-sweep’s 
overalls, and — and — oh, and Ja2)anese 
fire-screens marked to four ninety-nine 
to close.” 

“ If I were to buy a fire-screen I 
should wish it to open, not to close,” 
commented Amy Dora. What else 
have you ?” 

‘‘ H’m ! there is also on our bargain 
counter an assortment of especially de- 
sirable articles, such as a few forty-foot 
fireman’s ladders, very low — ” 

I never saw a forty-foot fireman,” 
Amy Dora interrupted critically. Fire- 

4 [ 49 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


men in our part of the city, where the 
houses are, usually have only two feet. 
And as for ladders being low, I should n’t 
think they would be of much service 
at a fire unless they were high. Have 
you nothing more suitable for a lady to 
take home ?” 

“ Well,” said the green and gold boy, 
refiectively, for housekeepers we have 
bargains in ice, a seven-cent cake for 
four and a half ; also a patent adjustable 
fiy-screen which can be used, if desired, 
for a flour-sieve, a nutmeg-grater, or a 
dish-drainer ; also our handy combina- 
tion transformation board — use one side 
to cut your bread on for supper, use the 
other side to play a game of checkers on 
after supper, or turn it up on edge and 
roll it across the dining-room floor to 
amuse the baby when he’s fretty, or to 
drive the cat back into the kitchen if 
you’re too lazy to get up and chase her ; 
also, for young ladies, we offer at a great 
reduction, for this day only, our patent 
perpetual, indestructible chewing-gum, 
warranted to last as long as you care to 

[ 50 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


have it, one cent a slab, or six for five ; 
likewise, for general family use, a lim- 
ited number of canary birds — 

‘^Ob, I should like one of the canary 
birds,’’ exclaimed Amy Dora, ‘‘ and I 
might use — ” 

“ Pardon me,” interposed the boy 
blandly, ‘‘ I hadn’t finished. I was 
about to say that we are offering a lim- 
ited number of canary birds’ bath-tubs, 
which can be — ” 

I think I shall hardly care to look 
at any of your bargains to-day,” inter- 
rupted Amy Dora ; “ I will go and get 
some samples instead. Have you 
wheeled chairs ? I am too tired to walk 
about this great store.” 

“ I haven’t wheeled any chairs,” re- 
plied the green and gold boy, nor has 
anybody else about the establishment to 
my knowledge. If you wish to ride let 
me advise you take a traveler.” 

What is a traveler ?” 

Why, a traveler’s ticket, I mean,” 
explained the boy. We have what no 
other store in the country possesses, an 

[ 51 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


extensive line of overhead trolley railway 
in which we send customers to any and 
all parts of the building. Step that way, 
madam, and you can get a ticket which 
will be good for two hours from date.’’ 

Amy Dora went over to a sort of box 
office, and, addressing a man behind the 
window, asked for a traveler. 

“Want to buy or only look,” he de- 
manded sharply. He was a smallish, red- 
haired person with a rasping voice, jerky 
manners and a cross face. 

“ Oh, I — I hardly know yet,” faltered 
Amy Dora, somewhat taken by sur- 
prise. 

“ Then we shall require a deposit of 
twenty-five cents,” said the man, with 
unnecessary gruffness. “ If you purchase 
anything, that amount will be deducted 
from your bill ; if not, we shall keep it 
as part payment for our salespeople’s 
time which you will have wasted.” 

Without a word more, Amy Dora laid 
a quarter on the window-ledge and re- 
ceived from the cross man a traveler’s 
ticket. As she turned away with it in 

[ 52 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


her hand one of a group of boys in pur- 
ple and gold uniform approached her. 

What department will you visit first, 
madam ?” he asked, deferentially. 

“ Take me to the confectionery 
counter,’’ she replied, her ruffled feel- 
ings somewhat soothed by the civility of 
the purple and gold boy, which was an 
agreeable contrast to the crustiness of 
the red-haired ticket- seller. 

Thereupon the purple boy, who looked 
enough like the green boy to have been 
his brother, conducted her to a big wire 
basket resting on the floor, and helped 
her to get into it. There were two seats, 
one in front for him and one behind it, 
comfortably cushioned, for her. The 
basket was then raised to a height of 
seven feet or more until it hung from a 
single steel rod or track, along which it 
ran very much like a parcel -carrier. The 
boy touched a lever and the conveyance 
started off at a moderate speed. After 
it had gone a considerable distance over 
the heads of the shoppers and salespeo- 
ple, and had turned several corners by 

[ 53 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


means of switches, the boy stopped and 
lowered the basket. Amy Dora got out, 
and found herself beside the candy 
counter, which was heaped with every 
sort of confection that could be imagined. 

“ I wish to get samples,’’ she said to 
the young lady in waiting. The girl, 
who had a tip-tilted nose and a haughty 
air, seemed rather surprised, but, after 
muttering to herself a moment, asked, 
civilly enough, what particular samples 
were required. 

‘‘ Let me see,” said Amy Dora, consid- 
ering, “ I think I will take specimens of 
your candied violets, cream beechnuts, 
glazed pumpkin-seeds, California figs 
preserved in sugar, and — and omlette 
soujiee,^' she finished, uncertainly. 

‘‘ Humph !” remarked the saleswoman 
under her breath, '' they’re usually glad 
to get plain chocolate-creams and gum- 
drops.” 

Amy Dora’s hearing was remarkably 
good. '' I never eat cheap candy,” she 
retorted, with spirit. 

The girl put one candied violet, one 

[ 54 ] 



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THE CONVEYANCE STARTED OFF AT A MODERATE PACE 









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Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


cream beechnut, one glazed pumpkin- 
seed and half a California fig into a 
paper bag, which she then handed to 
Amy Dora. 

“ We have no omlette smjlee^^ she in- 
formed her, curtly. 

“Isn’t it French candy?” queried 
Amy Dora, in surprise. 

“It’s French-like enough, but it isn’t 
candy. I advise you to go to a cook if 
you want any,” replied the girl, and, tip- 
tilting her nose higher than ever, she 
turned away to serve another customer. 

“ Take me to the perfumery depart- 
ment now,” commanded Amy Dora, as 
she reseated herself in the basket. 

The perfumery department, being not 
far away, was reached before she had 
nibbled more than a single petal from 
her candied violet. There were hun- 
dreds of bottles and phials and jars all 
about, and the atmosphere was heavy 
with perfume. 

“ Samples of your choicest goods, 
please,” she said briskly to the attendant. 

The young lady, who was very styl- 
[ 57 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


ishly dressed, put up a pair of hands 
that were nearly covered with rings, and 
took from a shelf four large bottles and 
a fifth larger yet. 

Handkerchief, please,’’ she said, 
loftily. 

Amy Dora took from her belt a dainty 
square of lawn and lace, with her initial 
at one corner, and gave it to the sales- 
woman, who tlien put a little of the con- 
tents of the largest bottle on the centre 
of the handkerchief, and some from each 
of the other four successively in the 
corners. 

Whiff-of-tlie-sea where the initial is,” 
she explained glibly, ‘‘humming-bird’s 
breath opposite, fairies’ finger-tips here, 
pink-petunia-pollen here, and odor-klone 
in the middle, — by the ounce, pint, quart, 
gallon, or barrel as low as, or lower than, 
you can get them elsewhere in the city.” 

“Which way now?” asked the purple 
boy, when Amy Dora, sniffing delicately 
at her handkerchief, re-entered the basket. 

“ I am thirsty ; you may steer for the 
soda-fountain,” said she. 

[ 58 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


After they had started, Amy Dora 
noticed, coming toward her, an unusually 
large basket that was causing the track 
to sag considerably. In it was seated 
her stout acquaintance of the gravity 
train. Just as the two baskets were 
passing, that of the stout woman was 
obliged to wait a moment for the turning 
of a switch. Its occupant half rose and 
shook her baggy umbrella in salutation 
to Amy Dora. 

'‘Oh, how do you do again,’’ she 
called, smiling cordially. “ So glad to 
run across you once more. Do you know, 
I had such a queer adventure after we 
got separated. Meet me at lunch and 
I’ll tell you all — ” But before she could 
say more her basket started onward with 
a jerk that threw her back into her seat, 
and Amy Dora quickly lost sight of her. 

The soda-fountain, which was nearly 
as tall and large as an ancient feudal 
castle, occupied a prominent position in 
the middle of the floor and not far from 
the borders of a large pond that was fed 
by a fountain that spouted watqr without 

[ 59 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


soda. Upon this pond were several swan- 
boats which plied around the margin 
and carried passengers for a small fee. 
In the circular space just outside were 
many small tables, mostly occupied by 
ladies and children eating iced cream. 
There was also a large crowd gathered 
about the soda-fountain, while, to wait 
on them, a company of white-jacketed 
young men stood behind its counters. 
Amy Dora approached one of these who 
chanced to be at liberty for a moment. 

I should like a sample, if you please,’’ 
said she. 

Kind ?” he demanded, without wast- 
ing words. 

‘‘ The coldest,” she answered, imitating 
his brevity. 

The attendant seized a glass that might 
have held a dessert-spoonful, squirted 
into it something chiefly foam, and set 
it, in a silver-plated holder, before 
Amy Dora. 

‘‘We call that On-top-of-the-North- 
Pole-in-midwinter,” said he, “and I 
fancy you’ll find it fairly frigid.” 

L60] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Q-quite — v-very m-much s-so/’ she 
returned, with chattering teeth, as she 
set down the empty glass. Do you — 
do you give more than one sample T' 

‘‘ Not to the same customer in the 
same forenoon — if we know it. Good 
morning, madam.’’ 

After this Amy Dora rode about and 
visited a great many departments on 
more than twenty different floors, until 
her shopping-bag was nearly bursting 
with samples, and the two-hour limit of 
her traveler’s ticket had expired. She 
would have liked now to go to lunch 
with the friendly stout woman, but as 
the latter had not had time to tell her 
where they were to meet, she hardly saw 
how she could do so. While she was 
walking slowly and aimlessly about, her 
foot chanced to strike against a small 
object which gave fortli a ringing sound. 
She stooped and picked up from the 
floor a brass check on which was stamped 
the number ‘‘2002,” and the words 
“Present at Window B, Dep. 114, Pen- 
nypuller. Pinch & Trotbouncing.” 

[ 61 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


She stared at this piece of brass in 
some wonderment. Present at Win- 
dow B/' she repeated ; ‘‘ does that mean 
there is a present there for somebody — 
for me, perhaps ? Are they giving away 
samples there But, as she considered 
the matter further it struck her that she 
had not yet hit on the right explana- 
tion. After all,’’ she said, “ it may 
not be pres-enty but present, and I am 
to present this at Window B, though 
what for I’m sure I can’t guess. But if 
they wish me to do it I certainly shall 
not be so disobliging as to refuse.” Then, 
espying a purple and gold boy a few 
yards distant, she approached him with 
the words : “ Can you direct me to Win- 
dow B, Dep. 114, and also tell me what 
it is used for ?” 

“ Certainly, madam,” returned the 
boy, with a polite bow, and then con- 
tinued rapidly, as if he had repeated the 
same words a hundred times before, “ To 
go to Window B, Department 114, you 
follow the farther aisle to a point beyond 
the last counter on your left, where you 
[ 62 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


take the fourth of the first bank of ele- 
vators and get out in the basement. 
Window B will then be directly opposite 
you. With ordinary intelligence you 
can’t miss it. Window B is a place 
where our customers — and others who 
take advantage of our trustful kindness, 
although they never think of buying a 
cent’s worth here — may and do go to 
get things and other articles checked.” 

Amy Dora thanked him and hurried 
away. She suspected he might be hint- 
ing something unpleasant to her. She 
had no trouble in finding Window B, 
behind which stood a vinegar-faced, 
elderly woman with corkscrew curls 
and a little knob of hair on the back of 
her head. 

‘‘Is this where you get things checked?” 
Amy Dora asked. 

“/ don’t get things checked here,” 
the woman replied acidly ; “ you do, or 
may, if you choose. But you must 
leave a deposit.” 

“What kind of a deposit?” 

“ Why, the thing you wish to get 

[ 63 ] 


Amy Dora s Amusing Day 


checked, of course,'' answered the woman 
impatiently. 

“ Oh ! Well, I don't wish to get any- 
thing checked just now," said Amy 
Dora, rather abashed ; I wish to get 
something that has been checked al- 
ready — that is, I think I do." 

The woman glared at her suspiciously, 
took the check which she had laid on 
the counter, shrugged her shoulders, 
mattered a word or two that sounded 
ill-humored, and left the window. 

After about three minutes she returned 
with a white bundle of something which 
she handed through the window to Amy 
Dora. “ It's asleep," she remarked care- 
lessly. 

Amy Dora took the bundle, but when 
she looked at it to see what was asleep 
she nearly dropped it to the floor in the 
excess of her surprise. 

Oh !" she cried, catching the bundle 
and her breath at the. same moment. 

The woman had given her a real, live 
baby. 


[ 64 ] 


The Simple-Minded 
Waitress 



CHAPTER III 


THE SIMPLE-MINDED WAITRESS 

repeated Amy Dora, gazing 
delightedly into the baby’s face, 
“ isn’t it sweet ?” 

‘'Yes, they all are,” returned the at- 
tendant indifferently. “ Is it your little 
sister ?” 

“ I don’t know yet whether it is my 
little sister or my little brother,” replied 
Amy Dora, “ — that is, I mean,” she 
added, trying to be more accurate, “ I 
don’t know whether it’s anybody’s little 
sister or broth— Oh, dear !” she broke 
off again, “ that isn’t what I wished to 
say at all. I mean I don’t know whether 
she’s a boy or he’s a girl.” 

Just then the baby awoke and began 
to cry lustily. “It’s a boy, I know 
now,” she exclaimed, eyeing it help- 
lessly ; “ little girls never are so noisy 
and horrid as that. Oh, dear me ! what 
[ 67 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


am I to do? I wish to go to lunch 
soon, and I can’t very well take him 
with me.” 

‘‘ Perhaps he wishes to go to lunch, 
too,” suggested the woman. 

‘‘ Very likely,” assented Amy Dora. 

Can’t you take him back and buy a 
quart of milk for him to drink while I 
am gone?” she asked. 

“ H’m’m’m ! yes, I suppose so,” said 
the woman, rather unwillingly ; “ but 
we shall require a cash deposit of twenty- 
five cents to pay for his lodgings to- 
night in case you should go ofiP and for- 
get him.” 

I certainly sha’n’t forget him,” said 
Amy Dora, who intended to carry the 
baby home with her and ask her mother 
to let her keep him as a plaything; 
however, she handed in a twenty-five- 
cent piece with the baby, and received a 
check, which she put carefully into her 
portmonnaie. 

Before leaving Pennypuller, Pinch 
& Trotbouncing’s establishment she 
wished to make sure she had seen every- 
[ 68 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


thing worth seeing, so she approached a 
boy clad in red and gold to make in- 
quiries. 

“ Can^t you tell me whether there is 
anything amusing here that I haven^t 
been to ?” she asked. 

‘‘ If you will tell me first what you 
have been to perhaps I might,’' the red 
and gold boy replied. 

‘‘ Well,” she said, trying to recollect, 
‘‘I have been to all the counters where 
they give samples, and to the Ladies’ 
Parlor, and the Furnished Cottage, and 
the Model Dairy, and the Grocery 
Department, and the Art Gallery, and — 
and — I don’t remember any more, but I 
think I must have been almost every- 
where.” 

Have you been to the Dentist’s ?” 

Mercy me ! no,” cried Amy Dora ; 
‘‘ you don’t call it amusing to go to a 
dentist, do you ?” 

Many of our patrons do go— not only 
once, but again.” 

But surely they don’t go for amuse- 
ment ?” 


[ 69 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


‘‘ H^m ! I can’t say as to that,” 
returned the red boy, rather listlessly. 

I never ask why they go.” 

“ Can you think of anything else ?” 

‘^How about the Photographer? We 
have one on the twenty-fifth floor.” 

The twenty-fifth floor ! Your build- 
ing must be very high.” 

“ Very high!” repeated the boy; ‘‘it 
is more than that ; it is exceedingly 
lofty. Why, madam, we are often able 
to show, in our tip-topmost story, some 
superfine samples of clouds. Let me 
give you a few facts touching the magni- 
tude of our establishment. If this build- 
ing were to be laid on its side it would 
reach up the avenue six blocks. If our 
employes were to form in a single file 
one foot apart the line would stretch 
from one end of the city of Yew Nork 
to the other, with a loop running 
around into Creeklyn beside. In our 
cotton goods department alone we have 
enough material to make an awning that 
would cover the entire city. Like- 
wise — ” 


[ 70 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Very interesting/’ broke in Amy 
Dora ; “ but it would be even more so 
to see than to hear about. If you can 
lay your building down on its side for 
me, or cover the whole city with an aw- 
ning, I will wait and see it.” 

“ Not to-day, madam,” said the red 
boy. ‘‘Now as to the photographer, 
he will make your photograph in any 
style, full length, half length, medallion, 
vignette, front view, three-quarters, pro- 
file, back view — if you don’t wish any one 
to know whose likeness it is — finished 
while you wait by our new instantane- 
ous process, and neatly put up in dozen 
packages, warranted to keep any length 
of time in any climate — ” 

“ What nonsense are you talking ?” 
Amy Dora interrupted, impatiently. 

“ Was it nonsense ?” returned the red 
boy, wrinkling his forehead. “ No, it 
was merely sense out of place. You see, 
I have to describe so many things to our 
numerous visitors that occasionally I get 
them mixed. It was not photographs, 
but our new Yewfeeder Biscuits for Girl 
[ 71 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Babies that I meant to tell you would 
keep in any climate — ’’ 

‘‘ Would those Yewfeeder Biscuits do 
for boy babies, and how much do they 
cost?” Amy Dora broke in. 

“We have the Yewfeedm Biscuits for 
Boy Babies — nearly the same thing un- 
der a slightly different name. The 
biscuits, likewise the photographs, come 
at a dollar a dozen.” 

“ Oh !” said Amy Dora, in a disap- 
pointed tone, for she remembered that she 
had not so much as a dollar in her purse. 
“ Do you — do you give samples?” 

“No, neither of the photographs nor 
the biscuits ; we never break the sets. 
If you don’t wish to try a dozen of our 
photographs you might go up and see 
some one else try them.” 

“ I don’t think that would be much 
fun.” 

“ Oh, I don’t know,” returned the 
boy ; “ when there are children to be 
taken they sometimes make it rather in- 
teresting and lively — children and pet 
cats and j)ug dogs.” 


[ 72 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


At the mention of pug dogs Amy 
Dora suddenly recalled the loss of Gyp- 
pie, and decided that it was high time 
for her to go out and resume her search 
for him. She accordingly thanked the 
red and gold boy, and made her way to 
the street once more. But she was now 
so very hungry that she decided to have 
lunch before doing anything else. She 
was so fortunate, after walking only a 
short distance, as to espy a sign-board 
with the notice : 

LADIES LUNCH 

EATING AND DRINKING DONE HERE 
ALL KINDS 

WITH NEATNESS AND DISPATCH 
WHILE YOU WAIT 

This will do/' she said to herself, 
and entered the doorway underneath the 
sign. She saw that the place was not at 
all like those where she had been taken 
by her mother on several occasions, yet 
it looked neat and respectable, and, 
moreover, she was too nearly famished 

[ 73 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


to be needlessly particular. She took a 
seat at a table near the window, and a 
pleasant-faced girl, dressed in a black 
gown with broad white collar and cuffs, 
came to wait on her. 

What would you like, miss ?” she 
inquired. 

“ Well,’’ returned Amy Dora, consid- 
ering, “ for one thing I should like to 
know why you put the apostrophe over 
the S on your sign.”, 

‘‘ I didn’t put it there,” said the girl, 
tittering ; “the sign-painter man did, and 
I suppose ’twas because he didn’t know 
whether the apostrophe should come 
before the S or after it, so he split the 
difference. Can I help you to anything 
else to-day, miss?” 

“ Where is the — the programme ?” 
asked Amy Dora, who was not quite 
sure how to pronounce the French word 
menu, nor yet certain the term would be 
used in so modest an establishment. 

“ The bill of fare is on the walls, 
miss,” returned the girl, putting a napkin 
and a glass of water before her. Sure 

[ 74 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


enough, when Amy Dora looked around 
her she beheld a great many placards on 
the walls giving the names and prices of 
eatables to be obtained there. Some of 
them were : 

BREAD AND MILK, 10 CENTS 
MUSH AND MOLASSES, JO CENTS 
MUSHROOMS WE DON^T HAVE 
SMALL OYSTER STEW, JO CENTS 
BOILED EGG, 5 CENTS 

CORN, GRAHAM, BROWN OR WHEAT BREAD 
WITH BUTTER, 5 CENTS 
GRIDDLE CAKES, MAPLE SYRUP, JO CENTS 
EAT-IT-AND-SEE PUDDING, 5 CENTS 
ANY KIND OF PIE, 5 CENTS 
TEA, COFFEE OR MILK, 5 CENTS 
ICE-CREAM, ALL FLAVORS, JO CENTS 

As Amy Dora was reading these 
inscriptions, one after another, with a 
doubtful air, the waitress, who seemed a 
good-natured, simjde soul, remarked : 

'' I think you’ll like our victuals, 
miss. Folks come here real often to eat 
them, and they tell me they find ’em real 
tasteful and nourishing.” 

[ 75 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Perhaps so/’ returned Amy Dora, 
dubiously. What is eat-it-and-see 
pudding ?” 

“ Well, it’s pudding that you eat it 
and see how you like it, and try to guess 
what it’s made of,” answered the waitress 
promptly. 

What is it made of?” 

That depends on what we have left 
over from the day before.” 

‘‘ I think I’ll not take any. Have you 
pineapple cheese ?” 

No, miss, no pineapple cheese, but 
apple pie’n’ cheese, if you want.” 

After several seconds of further delib- 
eration Amy Dora ordered oyster stew 
and corn bread, with griddle-cakes and 
coffee to come later. 

The girl went to a little window 
connecting with the kitchen, and called : 
“ Half a dozen in a bath and three little 
Indians ; round o’ wheats and draw one 
chasing after.” That was restaurant 
English for what had been selected, and 
it was promptly served. As the guest 
began to eat, with the heartiest of 

[ 76 ] 



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'“WHAT IS EAT-IT-AND-SEE PUDDING?’” 


[ 77 ] 



Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


appetites, the sociable waitress stood 
watching her interestedly. 

‘Are those your own teeth, miss ?” she 
asked, breaking a short silence. 

“To be sure they are,'' Amy Dora 
answered, rather indignantly ; “ whose 
did you suppose they were?" 

“Oh, I didn't know," returned the 
girl apologetically. “ I kind o' thought 
they might be yours. They look 
like real good ones. Lots of folks 
wear false teeth nowadays, though. 
There's a man next door with china 
teeth." 

“ Indeed ! " said Amy Dora. 

“Yes; he keej^s a laundry. He's a 
Chinaman. Do you ever go to the 
theatre ?" 

“ Not very often. My mamma doesn't 
— I mean my most intimate friend advises 
me not to." 

“ I went last night with Wallace to an 
olio theatre. That's very relaxing to 
the mind. There was a colored man on 
the stage there who played a cornet real 
hard, so I feared he would lame himself 

[ 79 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


all over. He was black and blew any- 
way.’’ 

“ What is an olio theatre ?” asked 
Amy Dora. 

Why, it’s a — some folks call it the 
vawdyvill. It’s a sort of a mixed-up 
performance, a little of everything, and 
nothing very long at a time,” explained 
the waitress vaguely. It’s where gen- 
tlemen come out on the stage all blacked 
up, or rigged in funny clothes like 
tramps, and sing real comical songs ; and 
ladies come out dressed in party-dresses 
and sing songs that ain’t comical, about 
moonlight on the lake and'what is home 
without a mothei*; and things like that. 
Then there are jugglers and acrobats, 
and clowns, and performing dogs, and 
dancers, and motion pictures and — oh, 
and all such things as that. I tell you 
it’s real nourish — I mean real interest- 
ing, the olio is. You must make your 
young man take you — the minute you 
get one. Won’t you try some of our 
cake? It’s real simple, it can’t hurt 
you.” 


[ 80 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Then I don’t wish for any of it,” 
Amy Dora announced promptly, but the 
waitress looked so grieved at her decision 
that she added pleasantly, “ I have no 
doubt it is very nice cake, but I like un- 
simple cake full of plums and fruit and 
spices and all sorts of richness. What 
is your rule ?” 

“ I don’t know precisely, but there’s 
some egg in it. It’s either half a dozen 
eggs to one loaf, or one egg to half a 
dozen loaves, but anyway it’s real nour- 
ishing. Perhaps there’s some other 
species of food you’d like, miss.” 

“ I think you may bring me a plate of 
ice-cream,” said Amy Dora, and before 
she could add ‘‘ vanilla flavor,” the 
waitress was off to execute the order. 
When the ice-cream came it was tbe 
strangest-looking stuff Amy Dora ever 
had seen. In color it was very much 
like mud, and she could not make out at 
all what it was flavored with. 

This is funny ice-cream,” she re- 
marked, in a displeased tone, after tasting 
it cautiously. 


6 


[ 81 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ I don’t believe you think it’s so very 
funny,” retorted the waitress, looking 
slightly offended, or else you would 
smile instead of scowling that way.” 

What flavor is it ?” 

Why,” exclaimed the girl, in sur- 
prise, “ it’s the same as we advertise,” 
and she pointed to the placard on the 
wall which read ‘‘Ice-cream, All Flavors, 
10 Cents,” then, turning again to the guest, 
she continued, “ We have that kind once 
a week. It’s real convenient for using 
up the remnants, and it’s real nourish- 
ing, too.” 

Amy Dora pushed back her plate. “ I 
have had enough to eat for the present, 
and I have enjoyed your conversation 
extremely,” she thought fit to say con- 
descendingly. 

“ Have you, though ?” exclaimed the 
girl, smiling in gratification. “ Well, I 
am real glad. Some folks call me too 
chatty, but I’d sooner be chatty than 
close-mouthed. I tell Wallace — ” 

“Who is Wallace?” Amy Dora in- 
terrupted. 


[ 82 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Wallace Spilgumliacker, he’s my 
beau ; we’re keeping company, and 
walking out together Sundays. He’s a 
doctor’s apprentice — a medical student, 
some folks call him. Yes, I tell Wallace 
I’d rather be glib than glum any day. 
Wallace is going to be a full-grown sur- 
geon some time. He’s real skilful now, 
but they won’t let him operate on people 
very often — unless they’re poor. He 
came and took off a broken arm for me, 
though, first of last week, and he did it 

real well.” . 

•Amy Dora eyed the waitress indig- 
nantly. Both her hands were certainly 
of flesh and blood, therefore her arms 
could not well be anything else. The 
girl must have guessed her thought, for 
she hurried on to explain. 

Of course I don’t mean one of these 
arms that I carry round with me all the 
time. I was speaking of the arm of my 
arm-chair at home. I bought and paid 
for the chair with my own money, so the 
arm that got broken must be mine, 
mustn’t it ?” 


[ 83 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


You remind me of the lady in the 
gravity train, wlio said she had broken 
her daughter’s nose. I wonder if that is 
a family joke and you and she are related 
to one another. Please tell me, is your 
mother inclined to be stout ?” 

‘‘ Why, yes,” answered the waitress, 
‘‘ I suppose you would say my mother 
was built sort of bulging.” 

‘‘Oh, no, I shouldn’t say that of 
another person’s mother,” Amy Dora 
corrected her quickly ; “ I should feel it 
would be altogether too great a liberty.” 

“ My ! but ain’t you queer and j)ar- 
ticular!” cried the 'waitress, tittering. 
“ Well, then, I should say she did kind 
of jut out more than some.” 

“ Will you describe her more at 
length if — ” 

“ My mother she ain’t very lengthy ; 
she’s more broad than long.” 

“ Then describe her at breadth. What 
other features has she?” 

“ How do you mean ? She has the 
same features that everybody has.” 

“ Tell me the color of her hair and 


[ 84 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


eyes, and the shape of her nose and 
mouth.’’ 

‘‘ Oh ! her hair, it’s — well, my mother 
is like the girl in the song that they sing 
at the olio : ‘ She was fair and the color 
of her hair was a sort of a delicate 
ginger.’ ” 

The stout woman — my stout woman’s 
hair isn’t at all the color of ginger ; it’s 
more like pepper and salt, black mixed 
with gray, you know.” 

Then it can’t be the same,” said the 
waitress regretfully. “ However, I have 
a brother ; perhaps you know him. He’s 
fourteen years old and real hearty. He 
works in a butcher’s shop. Last week 
he had an adventure. It was just^ at 
closing time ; he was putting something 
away for the night in the big meat-safe 
refrigerator thing, and while he was in 
there the butcher, not knowing it, turned 
the handle that fastens the door and shut 
him in tight. The other handle inside 
had got broken, so he couldn’t let himself 
out, and the butcher locked the store and 
went off liome. So my poor brother had 

[ 85 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


to stay in that closet all night with not a 
single thing to eat — except some quarters 
of beef and spring lamb, and a few pigs 
and a dozen or so of chickens, and several 
brace of ducks, and some heads of lettuce 
without vinegar, and some bunches of 
radish without salt, and a bushel box of 
summer squash, and — oh, and some cakes 
of compressed yeast done up in tin-foil, 
and a few other things like that, such as 
butchers keep on hand, you know. My ! 
hut I tell you he was real glad to get out 
next morning. He was hnost starved, 
besides being nearly frozen, because there 
was about a quarter of a ton of ice in 
there to keep the yeast-cakes and things 
fresh.’’ 

I’m glad he got out,” remarked Amy 
Dora. It seemed when you were 
telling about it, as if he never were 
going to.” 

There was silence for a second or two, 
and then the waitress, who seemed to 
talk more for the sake of talking than 
because she had anything to say, broke 
it thus : 


[ 86 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“Did you ever know anybody with 
wooden legs, miss?’’ 

“ No, I think not,” Amy Dora an- 
swered, considering, “ that is unless 
you mean another stupid joke about 
table or chair legs or something of that 
sort.” 

“ I mean the kind of legs you walk 
with,” asserted the waitress. “Wallace 
knows a man with five of them,” she 
added proudly. 

Amy Dora compressed her lips and 
rose, prepared to take a dignified 
leave. “Oh, what a story!” she com- 
mented severely. “ No man could use 
so many legs as that — especially wooden 
ones.” 

“I didn’t say he used them, the 
waitress called after her, as she marched 
away toward the door ; “ he keeps them 
to sell to persons who have none, or very 
few, of their own.” 

Amy Dora had gone only a few blocks 
from the lunch-rooms when her eye was 
caught by a glaring sign on which was 
displayed the following notice : 

[ 87 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


DITTENMUMMER^S DIME MUSEUM 

STEP INSIDE AND FOR THE SMALL SUM OF 
TEN CENTS SEE 

THE FATTEST FAT LADY 
THE THINNEST LIVING SKELETON 
THE MOST ELASTIC INDIA-RUBBER MAN 
THE SWIFTEST LIGHTNING CALCULATOR 

THE MOST ASTONISHING AND BEWILDERING 
HALL OF SURPRISES 

THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THEATORIUM 
AND 

THE MOST UNRIVALLED ALL-ROUND EN- 
TERTAINMENT TO BE FOUND ANY- 
WHERE IN THE POPULOUS CITY OF 
YEW NORK, OR THE POPULAR 
QTY OF CREEKLYN 

REMEMBER THAT THE SMALL SUM 
OF ONE DIME ADMITS YOU 


[ 88 ] 


The Sorrows of the 
Fat Lady 



CHAPTER IV 


THE SORROWS OF THE FAT LADY 

A my DORA had never visited a 
place of this sort, and it seemed 
to her that if so much could be 
enjoyed for the trifling sum of ten cents 
it was her duty to expend that amount 
and enjoy it. So, quite forgetting the 
pug dog that was lost, the pram which 
she had left in care of the friendly ship- 
per, and the baby she was going to get 
at Window B, she hurried across the 
street and through the entrance door- 
way of the Dime Museum. 

On passing the ticket-taker she found 
herself in a large hall around two sides 
of which ran a raised platform. Upon 
this platform some of the ‘‘freaks,’’ as 
they were called, were sitting or stand- 
ing, so as to be conveniently looked at 
by the public. Her attention was first 
drawn to a tall man with black curling 
[ 91 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


hair, a long waxed mustache, and a big 
diamond in his shirt-front, as well as sev- 
eral lesser ones on his fingers, who stood 
before a blackboard with a piece of chalk 
in his hand. 

Ladies and gentlemen,” he was call- 
ing persuasively, “ please step this way 
for the marvelous exhibition of Pro- 
fessor Mather Matticks, the great Light- 
ning Calculator, who can calculate to a 
nicety how often the lightning will 
strike in the same place on the same 
day, who can give you instantaneously 
the number of quarter-seconds that 
would be contained in several years and a 
half, who can reckon while you are asking 
him, how long it will take you to travel 
from the Little End of Nothing to the 
Latter Part of Nowhere, and the amount 
in dollars, cents, or mills that your rail- 
way ticket will cost you, — besides pro- 
pounding and solving countless other 
curious and useful problems.” 

‘‘ Humph ! curious and use/m prob- 
lems he means,” grumbled a voice al- 
most in Amy Dora’s ears, and, turning 
[ 92 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


with a start, she perceived that her elbow 
was touching the platform in front of the 
India-rubber Man. 

‘‘ That fellow’s pretentions make me 
weary,” continued the India-rubber 
Man, glad to find a listener. “ Why, I 
could be twice as smart as he thinks he 
is without half trying. Anybody can 
propound problems. Here is one. If a 
coal-hod holding one one hundred find 
oneth of a ton gives out the note C if 
struck with a poker when empty, what 
note will it emit after being half- 
filled ?” 

Tell me which C you mean,” re- 
turned Amy Dora ; ‘‘there are several.” 

“ I don’t know very much about 
music,” said the India-rubber Man, 
“ but I should think it would be a C 
rather far down in the scale. Suppose 
we call it the C at low tide. But that’s 
not all of the problem. How many 
pounds of coal must be put in to run the 
tone up one note, and bow many octaves 
would the hod, from a state of emptiness 
to one of fulness, be capable of?” 

[ 93 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


I’m sure I don’t know,” answered 
Amy Dora. 

“ I was sure you wouldn’t, too. I 
don’t either. Nor does the Professor, 
with all his lightning calculating. Here’s 
another. If you can buy dates for seven 
cents a pound, or four pounds for a 
quarter, how much does one pound cost 
when you get four?” 

“ Six and a quarter cents,” Amy Dora 
replied, after a moment’s mental calcu- 
lation. 

‘‘Wrong; you would have to pay 
three times seven, that’s twenty-one, for 
three pounds, so the one pound costs only 
the difference between twenty-one and 
twenty-five, which is four. Here’s an- 
other. I go into a shop and make a 
small purchase for which I offer a fifty- 
cent piece, that being more than the 
amount due. The shopman tells me he 
cannot make the exact change required, 
and asks if I have no other coin. I 
I reply that I liavp another half dollar, 
whereupon he says, ‘ Let me have the 
two halves and I can return to you the 

[ 94 ] 


Amy Dora's Amusing Day 


right change/ What is the amount of 
my purchase, and what coins do I 
receive back?^’ 

“ I sha’n^t try to guess that one, for 
you’d be sure to say ‘ wrong ’ again. 
You tell.” 

“The amount of my purchase was 
thirty-five cents, and the change given 
me was a quarter of a dollar and four 
dimes. Now, on the whole, what do 
you think of my problems?” asked the 
India-rubber Man, when Amy Dora 
put up her handkerchief to stifle a yawn. 

“ Do you wish me to tell you what 
I really think, or what I know you would 
like to have me think?” 

The India-rubber Man looked slightly 
disconcerted. “Well,” he returned 
hesitatingly, “ suppose you tell me both, 
so I can have a choice.” 

“ Certainly ; I know you would like 
me to think them very clever, but I 
really do think them rather stupid.” 

“ Tha-ank you,” said the India-rubber 
Man, swallowing hard, as if he were 
taking a dose of medicine ; I’ll remem- 
[ 95 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


ber the first half of that. I am glad to 
inform you, however, that I have other 
uses beside propounding problems — such 
as this, for example.'’ Whereupon he 
pursed up his lips and puffed out his 
cheeks so enormously that his eyes 
became like two narrow slits, and his 
nose a tiny knob on the surface of what 
resembled more than anything else a toy 
balloon. Amy Dora started back in 
alarm, half fearing his face would 
explode, so tightly drawn was the skin. 
The India-rubber Man let out his breath 
and smiled complacently. 

‘‘ Can you do that ?” he asked. 

No, indeed ! and I shouldn’t wish to 
if I could. Were you always as elastic 
as you are now ?” 

‘‘Oh, yes, I was born so. In early 
youth I was as round as a rubber ball, 
and even in my babyhood I was always 
spoken of as a fine bouncing boy.” 

Being now tired of the India-rubber 
Man, Amy Dora passed on to the plat- 
form where the Living Skeleton was 
seated. He was the very thinnest person 
[ 96 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


she ever had seen, and so melancholy- 
looking that she pitied him. His lean 
face lighted up a little as she stopped 
before him, and he said : 

‘‘I’m always glad to receive callers, 
miss: I have so much spare time on my 
hands, and I’m so very spare myself, 
that it’s a real pleasure to have some one 
come along and help me use up one and 
forget the other. Conversation prevents 
me from thinking such a deal, and when 
I get to thinking full speed I do think 
of the strangest things. For instance, 
this forenoon it came across me all at 
once that if a pannikin is a little pan, 
and a manikin is a little man, why 
shouldn’t a firkin be a little fir, a napkin 
a little nap, or a pumpkin a little 
pump ?” 

“I’m sure I can’t say,” Amy Dora 
replied, wondering if the Living Skeleton 
might not be a trifle crazed. 

“ I hadn’t much hope that you could,” 
he said, sighing. “Another thing that’s 
been occupying my mind lately is a new 
game I have invented to help pass away 
[ 97 ] 


7 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


the time. Shall we play it ? It's quite 
simple." 

‘‘We might try." 

“ Very well, the rules are these : I 
ask you a question that I can answer, 
and if you can't answer it you must pay 
me a forfeit ; then you must ask me a 
question under the same conditions ; and 
so on in turn. Shall we begin ? This is 
my first question : What is the simplest 
way to remove mountains?" 

“ Why, I — I'm sure I don't know," 
said Amy Dora. “Hire a contractor, 
perhaps, with a lot of dump-carts and — " 

“Incorrect," broke in the Living 
Skeleton ; “ you merely dig holes and 
bury the mountains, which leaves a plain 
surface. Your turn now, and you owe 
me a forfeit." 

“ But — but yours is n't a good answer," 
protested Amy Dora. “ That wouldn't 
leave a plain surface at all. What about 
the piles of dirt that would come out of 
the holes ?" 

“ I'm sure I couldn't tell you," said 
the Living Skeleton, coolly ; “ that's your 
[ 98 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


question, and unless you can answer it 
there’s another forfeit my due.” 

“Oh, that’s — that’s a trick,” cried Amy 
Dora indignantly, “ and I don’t like your 
game one bit.” 

“ I really beg your pardon, miss,” said 
the Living Skeleton, with an entire 
change of manner ; “ I don’t like it 
myself nearly so well as I hoped I should. 
We’ll call it that you don’t owe me any 
forfeits, but only your forgiveness if I 
unintentionally offended yon.” 

“Not at all, you are quite welcome — 
I mean it’s all right,” said Amy Dora, a 
trifle confused, and was moving on when 
he leaned forward to whisper confi- 
dentially : 

“Just remember me to the Fat Lady 
when you have a chance, will you ?” 

Slie promised and presently made her 
way to where the Fat Lady was sitting 
in a chair large enough to have held a 
whole family of ordinary size. She was 
extraordinarily fat, much fatter than any 
one Amy Dora had ever set eyes on 
before. Amy Dora had thought the 

[ 99 ] 


Lrf 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


stout woman who was her fellow-passen- 
ger in the gravity train about as fat as 
anybody could be, but she now perceived 
that such was not the case. The stout 
woman would have looked gaunt and 
emaciated beside the Fat Lady. 

How do you do ?” began Amy Dora. 
‘'The Living Skeleton desired to be 
remembered.’^ 

"I ain’t feeling much worse than 
usual,” returned the Fat Lady, in a 
wheezy, lugubrious voice. " I’m much 
obliged to the Livin’ Skelington, I’in 
sure, and the same to him and many of 
’em. I dare say you’ve no idee, miss, 
how I envy that man,” she continued, 
sighing heavily. My fatness is such a 
trial to me. It’s the greatest trial I have. 
I don’t suppose, miss, you ever was as 
fat as me.” 

Amy Dora thought this rather a fool- 
ish speech, but, not wishing to hurt the 
Fat Lady’s feelings, she responded, after 
a moment of feigned reflection, during 
which the Fat Lady eyed her with 
anxious expectancy : 

[ 100 ] 



[ 101 ] 


THE LIVING SKELETON DESIRED TO BE REMEMBERED 

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Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“As far back as my memory goes I 
don’t recall having been — quite.” 

“ Well, you don’t never want to be. It 
gives you the most — most hunched to- 
gether feeling you can imagine. I’m 
turribul fat now, but” — she lowered her 
voice to an impressive whisper — “ it’s 
going to be worse. My fatness is grow- 
ing on me.” 

“Is it?” returned Amy Dora, won- 
dering if she expected her fatness to 
grow on some one else. 

“Yes, and it’s so inconvenient, you’ve 
no idee. When I want to go traveling, 
for instance. Of course I don’t travel 
much now, but when I did use to they 
almost always tried to make me pay two 
fares in the steam-cars because I took up 
so much space. And in the street-cars, 
when they’d begin to get at all crowded, 
the conductor he’d be apt to say— seeing 
me sidewise in along with the other pas- 
sengers— Will them two ladies in pink 
2)lease to set a leetle closer.’ And he 
meant me. My ! I used to feel perfectly 
horrid and flush all up till my face was 
[ 103 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


a sight pinker’n ever my dress was. And 
me only a young girl then. I’m sure I 
don’t know what he’d say if he was to 
see me now — he’d think I was three 
ladies, most likely. I s’pose you have 
some good times once in a while, miss, 
hut I never did when I was a girl. Often, 
of a pleasant Sunday or a moonlight 
evening, I’d have just loved to go 
for a buggy-ride, but I never could, 
because after I’d got into the buggy 
there wouldn’t be no room for the 
young man, without he was to set in 
my lap, and that would have looked 
ridiculous.” 

The Fat Lady hunted for her hand- 
kerchief, and meantime gave vent to 
what sounded so much like a snivel that 
Amy Dora feared she might be going to 
cry. In the hope of stopping her, she 
askerd hastily : 

‘‘ Have you never tried to get lean ? 
I have heard that there are remedies to — 
to lesson the width of persons.” 

The Fat Lady gave up the search for 
her handkerchief and, beckoning her 

[ 104 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


caller to come closer, said, with a mys- 
terious air : 

“ Have n^t I ? The Manager he 
watches us curiosities like a cat does a 
mouse, and we have to be awful careful 
what we do that would be liable to injure 
our value as cur’osities. We live here in 
the museum all the time, you know, 
have our meals and sleep and everything. 
Yes, we do. We don’t set foot one step 
outside of this buildin’ from one end of 
the season to the other. But spite o’ 
that the Livin’ Skelington and me we 
did contrive to hatch up a plan once. 
He’s as tired of being thin as I be of be- 
ing fat, and he’d do most anything to 
get an ounce or two of flesh on his bones. 
So we bribed the Doo-warft (she meant 
the Dwarf) to help us. The Doo-warft 
he was mighty cunnin’ and he just loved 
money like a miser, so we paid him well 
and he agreed to smuggle in from a 
friend of his that was a ’pothecary, a 
bottle of anti-lean for the Livin’ Skel- 
ington, and a bottle of anti-fat for me. 
Well, he got ’em, and we took ’em, a 
[ 105 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


table-spoonful three times a day, just be- 
fore eatin’, strictly accordin’ to direc- 
tions — being mighty careful not to let 
the Manager suspect nothin’ — till they 
was all took up. Well, the result was I 
got fatter and fatter every day, and the 
Livin’ Skelington he got so awful thin 
that even the Manager was scared. We 
didn’t know what to make of it till, next 
day after the bottles was emptied, the 
Bearded Lady she told me confidential 
that the Doo-warft had told her he’d 
been playing a trick on us, and had 
changed the mixtures in the two bottles, 
so that all the while I’d been taking the 
anti-lean, and the Livin’ Skelington had 
been taking the anti-fat. Wa’n’t that 
real mean of him?” concluded the Fat 
Lady, in an aggrieved tone. That 
Doo-warft was a horrid, spiteful little 
beast.” 

‘‘Where is the Dwarf now?” asked 
Amy Dora. “ I should like to see 
him.” 

The Fat Lady colored and looked 
rather confused. “You can’t,” she re- 
[ 106 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


turned, “ for lie is n’t stoppin’ ’round 
here any more. One day he went to 
sleep on the sofy in the cur’osities’ pri- 
vate parlor, and, it being just at dusk, I 
didn’t see him — that is I think I did n’t — 
and I set down on him. No, he ain’t 
here any more. Must you go, miss? 
Well, wait a minute.” The Fat Lady 
fumbled in her pocket until at length, 
with some difficulty, she drew out a pho- 
tograph that looked as if it, too, might 
have been sat upon. “ I’ve enjoyed 
meetin’ you so mucli, miss,” she said, 
‘'and I hope you’ll except one of my 
latest photos as a symptom of my re- 
gards.” 

After Amy Dora had left the Fat 
Lady, and had put the photograph away 
in her shopping-bag, she paid a visit to 
the Hall of Surprises. This seemed not 
to be a very popular attraction, as there 
were only three other persons there, an 
old lady and two boys who were appar- 
ently her grandsons. The boys were 
lively youngsters and so brimful of 
curiosity that they saved Amy Dora from 
[ 107 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


the trouble and humiliation of investi- 
gating the surprises/’ which were prac- 
tical jokes not always of a pleasing na- 
ture to the victims. 

The first was a bright new tin pan 
filled with what seemed to be freshly 
baked ginger-snaps, and having a placard 
inviting those who desired to ‘‘TAKE 
ONE.” The two boys eagerly availed 
themselves of the opportunity, only to dis- 
cover that the snaps were made of the very 
toughest kind of sole-leather. Further 
along was a comfortable-looking arm- 
chair labeled “DON’T SIT ON ME 
UNLESS YOU WANT SOME FUN.” 
The fun, as it proved, consisted in the 
sitter’s getting tipped out upon the floor 
by the action of a hidden spring the 
moment his weight pressed the seat. 
Soon after trying the chair the boys 
espied a knob projecting from the wall 
under a notice reading “ DON’T PULL 
THIS HANDLE.” 

“ I wonder why they don’t want us to 
pull it,” said one boy. 

“ That’s the question,” returned his 
[ 108 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


brother. W e might pull it and learn 
the answer.’’ 

“ Yes, let’s. You pull it.” 

No ; we’ll both pull.” Whereupon 
the brothers, each taking hold of one 
side of the knob, drew it cautiously out- 
ward. The result came in the form of a 
drenching shower-bath which descended 
upon them from the ceiling. Amy Dora 
was very glad she had not tried this 
surprise,” and the two boys were rather 
inclined to be angry, but their grand- 
mother said it served them right to get 
wet. She was a strange old lady, Amy 
Dora decided. 

“Speaking of pulling handles,” she 
exclaimed suddenly, “here’s a conun- 
drum. If the door-bell-handle should 
ask the door-bell to marry him, what 
might the door-bell properly reply ?” 

“ I can’t guess, I’m sure.” 

“It might — though it probably 
wouldn’t— reply, ‘Give me a ring,’” 
said the old lady, with a cackling laugh. 
“ Not so bad as it might be, is it?” 

“ Well, I hardly know whether it could 

[ 109 ] 


Amy Dora's Amusing Day 


be worse or not/' Amy Dora answered, 
and then, thinking she had not said quite 
the right thing, asked hurriedly : Do 
you know any more ?" 

‘‘ No more regular conundrums. Did 
you ever see a tail-less cat?" 

I — I think I may have," replied 
Amy Dora, who wasn’t sure. 

They are very convenient. It saves 
so much time not having to hold the 
kitchen door open so long to let them in 
or out. A cat’s tail takes as much time 
to pass a given point as her body does, 
and cats are so apt to be deliberate when 
you want them to hurry. There is quite 
a colony of tail-less cats in the neighbor- 
hood where I live. Day before yesterday 
I saw about thirty-seven of them scam- 
pering down the road past my house as 
if they were going to a rat-hunt." 

‘‘ What was the cause of that?" 

Well, I can’t say for sure, but there 
is a swamp full of cat-tails about a quarter 
of a mile away, and they were headed 
toward it. Do you establish any con- 
nection ?’’ 


[ 110 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Y-e-s,” Amy Dora answered, taking 
it for a joke. 

H’m ! I doubt if the cats did,’’ 
retorted the old woman, and then broke 
out with one of her cracked laughs that 
sounded so disagreeable to Amy Dora 
that she seized the first op])ortunity to 
get away. Across the hall she had 
noticed a door with the announce- 
ment, ‘‘DYE MUSEUM,” and on 
aj)proaching nearer she was able to 
read, on a placard beneath, the follow- 
ing rhymes : 

Come up, young folk, and pay your fee ; 
Then step inside where you will see 
Each col-or, tinge, or hue, or shade 
That ever was or will be made. 

We’ve red and yellow, brown and blue. 
Orange, violet, purple too ; 

Crimson, buff and pale sea-green — 

In short, all tints that e’er were seen. 

So when you’ve paid, just step inside 
And say if you’re not satisfied. 


Beneath this bit of doggerel was a 
further invitation in prose as follows: 

[ 111 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


STEP IN AND SEE OUR GRAND COMBINA- 
TION OF 

ALL THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW 
^ ENTRANCE COSTS YOU A NICKEL 
DROP IT HERE 

Anjy Dora put five cents into a slot 
underneath the direction to Drop it 
here/’ and was immediately admitted to 
a room of moderate size which, to her 
disgust, contained nothing except bare 
white walls, ceiling and floor. Evidently 
it was another of the ‘‘ surprises,” and 
not a particularly funny one. 

<< Why, there are no colors here,” she 
exclaimed. ‘‘ It’s a big cheat. Every- 
thing is just simply white.” 

Well, isn’t white the combination of 
all colors ?” asked an invisible voice 
jeeringly. If you’re not satisfied read 
the sign at the other door.” 

She looked and saw a second door of 
similar pattern to the first, in fact exactly 
like it except for the difference in the 
inscriptions. This one bore the words : 

[ 112 ] 


Amy Dora's Amusing Day 


EXIT COSTS YOU NOTHING 
DROP A TEAR 

Hanging by a string below was a 
handkerchief, supposed to be for the use 
of those who were moved to shed tears of 
disappointment over the humbug of the 
Dye Museum. 

In trying to find her way back to the 
hall of curiosities, Amy Dora espied, 
what she had failed to notice earlier, the 
following announcement placarded over 
a wide doorway : 

THE ATORIUM 

STAGE SHOW GOING ON NIGHT AND DAY 
WALK RIGHT IN 

Amy Dora walked in accordingly, and 
took a seat among a hundred or more 
spectators who were facing a small stage. 
At one side of this stage was a square of 
cardboard with the words printed on it, 
‘‘ Professor Nimbelfinger, Legerdemain,’’ 
and upon the stage was the Professor 
himself, a smooth, sleek, oily man, who 
[ 113 ] 


8 


Amy Dora's Amusing Day 


looked as if he might have been own 
brother to the Lightning Calculator. 
Amy Dora guessed that she was about to 
witness an exhibition of magic, and she 
settled herself comfortably for the full 
enjoyment of it. 


[ 114 ] 


The Professor’s 
Magic Tricks 


\ 




CHAPTEE V 


THE professor’s MAGIC TRICKS 

‘‘ T ADIES and gentlemen,” Professor 
I j Nimbelfinger was saying, in a 
droning voice and with a very 
incorrect pronunciation, my first ix- 
perimunt will be one of the most pleasin’ 
on the pogrum. It is called the Mur- 
raculous Lemonade. To perform it I 
shall need several artikuls, amongst 
others a table, a tray, and some glasses. 
Ho, there !” he called, clapping his hands 
and looking off at the side, ‘‘ a table, tray, 
and glasses.” 

A moment later there entered a boy 
with long yellow curls, dressed as a page, 
in soiled blue velveteen, and carrying 
three things which he laid before the 
Professor — things that did not seem to 
be at all what had been sent for. 

Why, why, what’s this ?” the Pro- 
fessor demanded, in pretended astonish- 
[ 117 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


ment. “ I asked for a table, tray and 
glasses, and you bring me these. Wliat 
is the meanin’ of it, sir ? Explain 
yourself.” 

have brought you exactly what 
you asked for,” answered the boy pertly, 
in a high, shrill voice, “ a table, tray and 
glasses. Here are your glasses,” holding 
up a pair of spectacles, ‘‘here is your 
trey,” showing a playing-card, the three 
of hearts, “ and this,” he concluded, 
triumphantly displaying a folded paper, 
“ is surely a table, a railway time-table. 
If this isn’t the right sort of a table I 
can bring you a potato, which is a vege- 
table, also ea-table when cooked, or I can 
bring you an easy chair, which is comfor- 
table, or I can perhaps find a multi- 
plication table if that would suit you 
better.” 

“ That will do,” exclaimed the Pro- 
fessor, and, turning to his audience, he 
said, in a confidential undertone, “ You 
see, ladies and gentlemen, this young 
man is too sharp for me. He must have 
been havin’ a light lunch off pickled 
[ 118 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


razors, or somethin^ of that sort. You 
will go back, sir,’’ — to the page — ‘‘ and 
fetch me a wooden table, a lacquer tray 
and half a dozen glass tumblers — also 
some water, lemons, sugar and chipped 
ice.” 

The boy departed and this time 
brought the articles required. The Pro- 
fessor now went on with his trick of the 
Miraculous Lemonade. There were four 
of the lemons, and, picking them up from 
the table, he began to juggle with them, 
tossing them in the air and skilfully 
catching them as they fell, keeping all 
four flying most of the time, and talking 
unceasingly as he did so. 

‘‘ It is a very simple thing, ladies and 
gentlemen,” he said, ‘‘to mix lemonade 
when you do it yourself, but it ain’t such 
a very simple thing to get your lemonade 
when you let the lemons and the sugar 
and the water and the other ingrejunts 
do the mixiii’ themselves without any 
help from you. I propose to try the 
latter plan and see what comes of it. 
I’ll just drop these lemons into this 

[ 119 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


pitcher of water, so, and clump the sugar 
and ice in after ’em, so, and fling the 
knife to cut the lemons, and the spoon 
to stir the sugar in atop o’ the lot, so, 
shake ’em up, so, cover the pitcher with 
this big paper cone, so, and wait for the 
result.” Having been all the while 
suiting the action to the word, the 
Professor now stepped back a few paces, 
waved his magic wand impressively and 
called : 

Presto-dig-a-tater !” 

Immediately a great rattling and clink- 
ing was heard, apparently from the 
pitcher, lasting a few seconds and then 
ceasing. The Professor then bade the 
page boy lift the paper cone and look 
into the pitcher. 

‘'What do you see?” the Professor 
asked, when his order had been obeyed. 

“ It looks like lemonade,” replied the 
boy. 

“ Well, take it out amongst the ladies 
and gentlemen and let them tell us 
whether it tastes like lemonade.” 

The boy filled half a dozen glasses 

[ 120 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


from the pitcher and bore them on a 
tray down among the spectators. It was 
real lemonade, delicious and cold ; Amy 
Dora knew it because she had some. 

After the lemonade had been drunk 
and the boy had returned and gone off 
the stage the Professor himself .came 
down the runway and along the centre 
aisle. 

‘‘ For my next ixperimunt, ladies and 
gentlemen,’’ he said, “ I should like to 
borrow a little girl. Any little girl will 
do. I promise to use her well and re- 
turn her in perfectly good order. Now 
what little girl would like to assist me in 
performin’ my pleasin’ ixperimunt of the 
Mysterious Journey ?” 

As he asked the question the Professor 
chanced to look straight toward Amy 
Dora, whereupon she got up and stepped 
out into the aisle. 

‘‘ Ah ! that’s right,” cried the Pro- 
fessor, patting her approvingly on the 
shoulder, that’s the talk. This little 
girl, ladies and gentlemen, kindly volun- 
teers to aid me in the beautiful ixperi- 
[ 121 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


munt I am now about to perform — an 
ixperimunt which I do assure you is the 
most pleasin’ to the sight and the most 
bafflin’ to the mind of any on my intire 
progrum. Step right this way with 
me, little girl, and we will proceed 
with the ixperimunt of the Mysterious 
Journey.” 

Professor Nimbelfinger conducted 
Amy Dora to the stage, and explained 
to his audience that the apparatus used 
in the trick consisted simply of two flour 
barrels, a potted rose-bush in full bloom 
— and the little girl he had borrowed. 

‘‘ To prepare for this ixperimunt,” he 
went on, ‘‘ I place this beautiful rose-bush 
on the right-hand side of the stage and 
cover it with one of these barrels, this 
way ; I next place this beautiful little 
girl here on the left-hand side of the 
stage and cover her with the other barrel, 
this way. I next — ” 

As the barrel descended over Amy 
Dora’s head the sound of the Professor’s 
voice became muffled, so that she under- 
stood no more of what he was saying; 

[ 122 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


and almost immediately afterward slie 
felt herself being gently lowered through 
the floor on a sliding trap that finally 
came to rest in a dimly lighted cellar be- 
neath the stage. 

Say, I want to speak to you,’’ whis- 
pered a voice, as she peered about her in 
the half dusk, at the beams, timbers, 
ropes, pulleys and scores of other things 
by which she was surrounded. 

The speaker she presently made out to 
be a grimy-looking small boy with short 
red hair, and clad in a dirty shirt and a 
pair of faded overalls. As her eyes grew 
more accustomed to the light — or lack of 
it — she discovered, much to her astonish- 
ment, that the urchin was no other than 
the page boy she had seen above. His 
light curls and velveteen suit were gone, 
but his face and voice were unmis- 
takable. 

Didn’t know me at first, did you ?” 
he remarked, grinning at her evident 
bewilderment. It makes a difierence 
what a feller has on.” 

‘Ht certainly does,” she returned rather 

[ 123 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


dryly. What do you wish to say to 
me V’ 

Come off first, and I’ll tell you,” he 
replied; and, drawing her skirts together, 
she stepped off the trap. As she was 
doing so she noticed that the rose-bush 
had found its way to the cellar by means 
of a trap similar to that which had 
brought her. 

“ I’m going to play a gay old trick on 
his nibs, just the best you ever saw,” 
announced the hoy, with a malicious 
grin. 

“ Whom do you mean by his nibs ?” 

‘‘ Why, the Professor, of course. Say, 
he thinks this trick he’s doing now is 
the greatest trick that ever was invented, 
but I’ll show him a trick that’ll knock 
his trick silly. You’ll see.” 

‘^It seems to me I wouldn’t do that,” 
she advised, feeling sure the boy intended 
some piece of mischief which the Pro- 
fessor would not enjoy. 

‘‘Well, it seems to me I would, so 
that’s the difference,” he retorted. “ He 
hasn’t paid me a single cent of wages for 

[ 124 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


more than two months, and I’m going to 
take it out of him some way. I said I’d 
get even with him, and I just will. You’ll 
see. This that I’m going to send up — 
I won’t tell you what it is — it ran in just 
in time. Oh, I tell you it’s going to be 
the best trick ever. I’ll bet the folks 
up there will laugh fit to burst — but the 
laugh will be on the Professor.” 

‘‘ I don’t see why you should wish to 
play a trick on the poor man,” remon- 
strated Amy Dora. 

‘‘ Humph ! you would see if the mean 
old hunks hadn’t paid you any wages 
for two months.” 

‘‘ But he hasn’t paid me any wages for 
two months,” argued Amy Dora ; he’s 
never even paid me any wages at all, 
and I working for him, too, helping 
about this trick. Suppose you give up 
trying to play your trick,” she urged 
persuasively. 

Oh, bother ! suppose I don’t,” ex- 
claimed the boy. ‘‘ Well, say, you get 
onto that other trap while I put the rose- 
bush on this, ’cause they’ve both got to 
[125J 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


go aloft in a minute, so’s to be in place 
by the time the old humbug has finished 
his gibble-gabble.’’ 

Not at all sure that the urchin would 
take her advice — quite sure, indeed, that 
he would not — Amy Dora stepped upon 
the other trap, and a few moments later 
was raised to the level of the stage, 
coming up under the barrel opposite 
that with which the Professor had 
covered her. It was evident that the 
Mysterious Journey ’’ consisted in the 
supposed invisible flight, through the 
air and across the stage, of the rose-bush 
and Amy Dora, each to the barrel 
opposite that first occupied. Amy Dora 
heard the Professor’s wand rap on her 
barrel, then the barrel was lifted and set 
one side. 

‘‘Here, in place of the beautiful rose- 
bush, we have the beautiful little girl,” 
said the Professor, with a self-satisfied 
smirk, “ and here,” he continued, quickly 
crossing the stage and lifting the other 
barrel, “ in place of the beautiful little 
girl, we have the beautiful — ” 

[ 126 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“ Bow ! wow ! wow ! wow, wow, 
wow !” 

The astonished Professor Nimbelfinger 
* backed away so suddenly that he fell 
over and sprawled awkwardly on the 
floor, as a vicious, ugly-looking little pug 
dog sprang from under the second barrel 
almost directly into his face. The 
naughty page boy had substituted the 
dog for the beautiful rose-bush, and his 
trick was a complete success, — whatever 
might be said of the Professor’s. 

At sight of the pug Amy Dora forgot 
all else, and, without waiting to see the 
mortifled Professor pick himself up, or 
to hear the shouts of merriment that 
rose from the audience, she hurried away 
after the dog, which she recognized by 
his knot of baby blue ribbon, as the one 
that had escaped from the pram earlier 
in the day. This time she must certainly 
catch him, and she followed him in hot 
haste ofi* the stage and in and out among 
the pieces of scenery with which the 
back of it was encumbered. 

But the dog had no more mind to be 

[ 127 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


caught now than in the first place, and 
he dodged and eluded her so adroitly 
that she saw she was to have her hands 
full before she succeeded in capturing * 
him. Once she got the end of his tail 
between her thumb and finger, hut 
he twitched it away again, and once 
she got a better hold of the same 
appendage, when, turning on her with 
a vicious snap and a terrifying show of 
teeth, he frightened her into releasing 
him. 

A-t one side of the back of the stage 
was an open window. The pug now 
made straight for it, jumped upon the 
sill, and, before Amy Dora could come 
up with him, sprang out and disappeared. 
She reached the spot a few seconds later 
and looked out. A foot or so beneath 
the window was one of the little iron 
platforms of a fire-escape with steps 
leading up and down. The dog was 
scampering upward as fast as he could 
go. She stepped out through the win 
dow and began to mount the stairs after 
him. He looked round at her with a 


[ 128 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


sort of evil grin, and kept on his way at 
a somewhat faster pace. So she followed 
him until both arrived upon a flat roof 
covered with tar and gravel. Amy Dora 
hoped she now had the little beast, for 
the roof was not very large, and surely 
he would not be so crazy as to jump off. 
No, the pug had no notion of risking 
death in that fashion, but after Amy 
Dora had chased him several times 
around a chimney, he leaped upon its 
top and stood there, mouth open and 
teeth bared, defying her. She circled 
cautiously about the chimney half a 
dozen times, but he always turned, too, 
so as to face her, barking so angrily all 
the while that she was afraid to touch 
him. 

Finally, tired and discouraged, she sat 
down on the roof to rest and consider 
what to do next. As she sat there she 
suddenly recalled how funny the Pro- 
fessor had looked when he fell over 
backward, and the recollection made her 
laugh so much that for a moment she 
forgot to watch the pug. Then, when 
[ 129 ] 


9 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


she glanced at the chimney again, he 
had disappeared. 

She sprang up with a cry of dismay. 
Had the dog fallen into the chimney, or 
— she ran to the fire-escape, and discov- 
ered that he was already half-way down 
it. She went after him as fast as she 
could, prudently, but it was too late for 
her to hope to overtake him. At the 
bottom of the fire-escape, which ended 
nearly six feet from the ground, the pug 
jumped daringly to the sidewalk. She 
feared to follow his example, and by the 
time she reached the same spot by a 
much more roundabout route he had 
completely vanished. 

There was nothing to be done but to 
give up the chase once more, and Amy 
Dora decided that she might as well be 
enjoying herself while she could, so she 
resolved to do as her mother sometimes 
did and pay a visit to the hair- dresser. 
An inquiry of a policeman resulted in 
her finding, nearby, an establishment 
over which was to be seen the followino; 
announcement : 


[ 130 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


CONRAD SHEARINSKI 
AMPUTATOR OF LOCKS 
HAIR CUT WHILE YOU WAIT 
CAPILLARY SURGEON 
RESERVED SEATS FOR LADIES 

When she entered this place a young 
journeyman hairdresser came forward 
and conducted her to a chair. She 
seated herself sedately and, while he 
was swaddling her in a voluminous 
cambric wrapper, said : 

“ You may cut the ends of my hair — 
I mean the outside ends— a very little, 
and then you may brush and fuss over 
what is left a good deal.” 

The journeyman hairdresser, who had 
a melancholy expression of countenance, 
bowed and, without uttering a single 
word, fell busily to work. He took a 
long time and did his work very care- 
fully. When, at length, he had finished, 
he bent over and murmured, in low, sad 
tones, the query : 

Shampoo ?” 

Amy Dora drew herself up haughtily, 
[ 131 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


looked at the image of the journeyman 
hair-dresser reflected in the mirror before 
her, and then twisted herself about so as 
to look at the real journeyman hair- 
dresser behind her. He spoke with a 
slight lisp, but she had understood him 
perfectly. 

'SS'Aaw-poo !” she repeated, in high 
disdain, certainly not. Real poo, or 
none at all.’^ 

The young man bowed low and pro- 
ceeded to execute her order to the best of 
his ability, but all the while without 
uttering a syllable. The real poo took 
even more time than the trimming of 
the hair, and finally Amy Dora grew 
impatient at the prolonged silence. 

‘‘Why don’t you talk?” she de- 
manded. ‘‘ I have heard that persons of 
your — your persuasion are talkative, yet 
all the while I’ve been in this chair 
you’ve said only one word, shampoo, and 
that you ought not to have said.” 

“ To be quite candid, madam,” re- 
turned the journeyman hair-dresser in 
his soft, sad, lisping voice, ‘‘ though by 
[ 132 ] 



REAL POO, OR NONE AT ALL’” 


[ 133 ] 




Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


nature talkative, I am timid with mem- 
bers of your sex. Beside which I am 
not quite myself to-day.^’ 

“ Do you mean you are partly some- 
body else V 

‘‘ I mean that I have been upset by an 
incident that happened at my house — 
that is my wife’s and mine — this morn- 
ing. It shook my nerves so they are 
shaking still.” 

‘‘I don’t see how they can be still if 
they are shaking. What was the in- 
cident ?” 

‘‘ Madam,” replied the young man, so 
much moved that he lisped more than 
usual, ‘‘it wath of a motht painful 
nature. A large clothed horthe jumped 
through the thmall bay window in 
my — ” 

“ Don’t you mean fell through ?” 
broke in Amy Dora. 

The journeyman hairdresser looked 
troubled at this interruption, and hesi- 
tated a long time before speaking. 

“What did I thay ?” he finally in- 
quired. 


[ 135 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


‘‘ I may have misunderstood you, but 
I thought you said that a large clothes- 
horse jumped through a small bay- 
window.’’ 

Dear me,” he said, in a discouraged 
tone, but taking extra care not to lisp 
again, the incident mixed me up some, 
and you have mixed me up some more.^ 
What really happened is this : A small 
bay horse jumped through a large closed 
window in my wife’s and my front 
parlor.” 

Ah ! so it was the horse that was 
bay, and not the window.” 

“ I — I think so,” he answered uncer- 
tainly, though perhaps he was more on 
the sorrel shading into seal -brown with 
white trimmings — I mean white feet. 
You see he came in on us so suddenly, and 
we were so busy trying to get him to go 
that I really didn’t take particular 
notice of his complexion.” 

‘‘ That was fairly interesting,” said 
Amy Dora patronizingly. ‘‘ Talk some 
more, please.” 

What shall I say ?” 

[ 136 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


‘‘ Oh, anything you choose that^s worth 
hearing.” 

‘‘Very well. Did you ever happen, 
when you had unexpected visitors, to 
borrow a soup-tureen of a neighbor liv- 
ing a mile away ?” 

“ No, indeed ; I never have borrowed 
a soup-tureen of anybody. Why ?” 

“ I was thinking what a deal of trouble 
it makes,” sighed the hair-dresser. “You 
have to walk two miles there and back 
to get the tureen, and two more there 
and back to return it : that makes four 
miles. Now if you could only return it 
first on your way over, and borrow it 
afterward on your way back you would 
have to walk but half the distance. 
Ah ! yes, there are so many things that 
would be more convenient if different. 
For another example, babies wear flan- 
nels, which have to be washed. Flan- 
nels shrink from washing, they become 
smaller, whereas babies grow larger. If 
babies decreased in size, or flannels 
increased, how much better they would 
fit each other.” 


[ 137 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


I have heard/’ put in Amy Dora 
slyly, that some babies shrink from 
washing.” 

The hair-dresser looked at her du- 
biously. It was clear that he did not 
see the joke. ‘‘ I never heard that 
before,” he said gravely. “It is very 
interesting — if true. And, speaking of 
water, it rained yesterday and I forgot 
my rubbers. Some persons call them 
gums, some galoshes, but rubbers by any 
•other name would swell the feet. You 
are doubtless aware that rubbers when 
worn too long give your feet an uncom- 
fortable feeling — draw them, as we say. 
Strange, is it not, that rubbers should 
draw anything, when usually it is the 
pencils that draw and the rubbers that 
erase ? However, in spite of the rain — 
or because of it — I had the good luck to 
rescue a maiden in distress. You have 
heard of the hero in the story-books 
who rushes boldly into the street, stops 
a runaway, and afterward marries the 
beauteous maiden. I didn’t exactly stop 
a runaway, but I did stop a get-away, 
[ 138 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


or a blow-away. It was an umbrella 
that came rolling down a hilly street 
before the wind, with a pretty girl trying 
vainly to overtake it, and getting more 
and more wet all the while. I was able 
to catch and restore the umbrella, but I 
haven’t married the maiden yet.” 

‘‘ It would be rather soon for that if 
you rescued her only yesterday.” 

‘‘ True,” returned the young man, 
sighing deeply, ‘‘ and also my present 
wife is still living, or was when I left 
home.” 

Amy Dora hardly knew what to say, 
so she kept silent for some minutes, as 
likewise did the journeyman hair-dresser. 
But he was so very slow in finishing the 
real poo that she began to get restless 
and to fidget about in her chair. He 
noticed this and said, by and by : 

“ I have often thought how handy it 
would be if our patrons could call and 
leave their heads here to be operated on, 
and then go off and attend to other 
business until we had finished.” 

I hardly see what other business a 

[ 139 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


person without a head could attend to,” 
said Amy Dora, who did not think this 
a strikingly brilliant idea. 

“ Oh, I don’t know,” returned the 
young man meditatively ; I suppose he 
wouldn’t be likely to visit his hatter, 
but he might go and get fitted for a pair 
of shoes. Still,” he added, after a 
moment’s further thought, “as persons 
sometimes lose their heads, even under 
present conditions, probably it is just as 
well that they can’t take them off and 
leave them with us. If a man should 
forget where he had left his head, and at 
closing time we should find ourselves 
with an unclaimed stray head on our 
hands it might be awkward.” 

“ No doubt,” said Amy Dora. “ You 
needn’t talk any more. Thank you for 
what you have said. I must go now.” 

On the sidewalk, not far from the 
hair-dressing rooms, Amy Dora heard 
some one from the opposite side of the 
street calling : 

“Oh, how do you do once more?” 

As she looked over to see who it was, a 

[ 140 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


fellow who had slouched up near her 
suddenly snatched her purse and ran 
around the corner with it before she 
could begin to recover from her surprise. 

“ Oh, what a shame !” she lamented, 
when she realized what had happened, 
he’s taken my purse with that baby in 
it — I mean with the check for the baby 
that I was going to get at Window B 
in it. Now I can’t have the baby, and 
I haven’t a cent of money to pay my 
carfare home with, and my home must 
be four or five hundred blocks away, and 
I never can walk such a distance in the 
world, and — and — oh, dear! I don’t 
know what I shall do. Then Gyppie is 
lost beside, and I’ve been a naughty girl, 
and everything seems to have got into 
just the horridest kind of a snarl.” 

On the whole, Amy Dora felt more 
than half inclined to give up and indulge 
in a good hard cry. 


[ 141 ] 



The Queer Old 
Waxworks Man 



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CHAPTER VI 

THE QUEER OLD WAXWORKS MAN' 

** T^ON’T take on so about it, miss/’ 
I J spoke up a young workman, 
who had chanced to be near; 
‘‘I’ll catch the scamp and bring back 
the ,wallet, never you fret ; ” and, with- 
out giving her time to thank him for his 
offer, he, too, was off and out of sight. 

Thus comforted, Amy Dora felt less 
than half inclined to cry, and soon not 
inclined that way at all. Just then the 
person across the street, who had hailed 
her, and who proved to be the stout 
woman, came waddling over with her 
baggy umbrella bulging more than ever 
and her pink face overspread with the 
friendliest of smiles. 

“I’ll tell you what to do,” she said, 
when Amy Dora had explained about 
the theft of her pocketbook. “Don’t 
you worry one mite, but by and by you 
[ 145 ] 


lo 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


go to the check-room, and if the man 
gets the purse back liedl come there to 
report it, and if he doesn’t the thief will 
come, hoping to get something valuable 
in exchange for the check. I’ll show 
you the way to the store, and you can 
rest yourself in the parlor while you’re 
waiting.” 

This advice seeming good, Amy Dora 
walked along beside her stout friend. 
Before long something about the appear- 
ance of the baggy umbrella attracted 
her attention and she could not refrain 
from asking : 

What have you in there — bargains ?” 

The stout woman laughed. “ No,” 
she answered, “ but I did get some per- 
fectly beautiful bargains at Wawn Jon- 
nymaker’s Imperial Emporium — marked 
down below cost, every one of them. 
They are going to send them, and I 
must be getting home, for I’m so eager 
to show them to my daughters. My 
daughters say I don’t know how to shop, 
but I got more than twenty-five different 
things to-day, and every one a solid 
[ 146 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


bargain. To be sure, I was nearly 
squeezed to death getting them, and had 
my gown almost torn off my back, but 
theyhe mine now, bought and paid for 
and on the way home by this time, I 
hope. I havenT yet decided what I 
shall do with the railway spikes, pill- 
boxes and thumb-screws, or with the 
blacksmith^s apron slightly soiled, or 
with the last yearns almanacs damaged 
by smoke, or with the leaky thermome- 
ters, but I guess I shall find a use for 
them all if I only keep them long 
enough.’’ 

‘‘ What was that adventure you were 
going to tell me about when we met and 
passed this morning ?” asked Amy Dora, 
as they continued onward. 

Sure enough,” responded the stout 
woman, “ I’d forgotten, so much has 
happened since, but it was the queerest 
experience — and disagreeable too. I’m 
glad you left the gravity train when you 
did; it ran away just afterward. The 
brakes wouldn’t work, or something, and 
it ran for thirteen blocks before they 
[ 147 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


could stop it, and then it stuck fast half- 
way between two stations. To do their 
best they could n’t make it budge. We 
were only about a block and a half from 
the end of the road, and the gravity 
had nearly given out — just like a clock 
that has run down. It was in a horrid 
place where we were, the very downest 
down-town part of the city, where the 
hogsheads of molasses and the hides and 
leather are, and the cases of boots and 
shoes, and the bales of wool and the 
pieces of rattly, bangy iron that make 
so much noise when they are carted 
through the streets, and the emigrants 
and the bad smells, and all those dis- 
agreeable things. That’s where the train 
stopped, and that’s where it is now for 
aught I know to the contrary.” 

‘‘But how did you get down?” Amy 
Dora asked. “ Did they bring a ladder 
for you to climb down on ?” 

“ No ; that’s the queerest part of the 
whole adventure. You see I was stand- 
ing on the platform, so I could get off at 
the first possible moment, and when the 
[ 148 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


train finally stopped the passengers were 
in such a fright because of its running 
away that they all came rushing out like 
a fiock of crazy sheep. Well, they nat- 
urally pushed up against me, and they 
pushed so hard that they crowded me 
overboard.’’ 

Dear me ! did you fall ? weren’t you 
hurt ?” cried Amy Dora, in amazement. 

I fell,” replied the stout woman tran- 
quilly, ‘‘ but I wasn’t hurt. It was only 
about five stories up, and I had my um- 
brella. When I began to descend the 
air got in under that and opened it 
wide. You see it’s a good big one, and 
it acted like a parachute, holding part 
of my weight so that I sailed gently 
down until finally I stepped on the 
ground just as easy as if I had been com- 
ing down-stairs. But my ! I shouldn’t 
want to risk it again. Just before I 
landed I nearly stepped on an old gen- 
tleman’s head. He was a real nice old 
man, too, and when my foot hit the brim 
of his hat and knocked it off he didn’t 
say a word. The hat wasn’t hurt, but I 

[ 149 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


should feel easier in my mind if I were 
sure I didn’t graze some of the skin off 
his nose as I was passing down.” 

‘^That was an adventure,” remarked 
Amy Dora, drawing a long breath. 
'‘Now won’t you please tell me what 
that is in your umbrella. It acts as if — 
as if it were alive.” 

The stout woman laughed again. 
"And so it is very much alive,” she 
said. " Look here,” and, cautiously 
opening her umbrella a little, she al- 
lowed Amy Dora to peep in and see a 
pair of wicked black eyes, a stubby 
black nose, and two rows of excellent 
white teeth, besides giving her a glimpse 
of a strip of baby blue ribbon that had 
a most familiar air. 

" Why, it’s Gyppie,” Amy Dora ex- 
claimed, " where did you find him ?” 

"He came to me in the street, ran 
against me, by accident, I suppose, but 
he looked so much like my next to the 
youngest daughter’s dog that I couldn’t 
avoid reaching right out and grabbing 
him. He hated dreadfully to be caught 

[ 150 ] 



“ ‘ I SAILED GENTLY DOWN ’ ” 


[ 151 ] 





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Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


and he^s been no end of trouble since. 
He^s very restless, you see,’’ she went 
on, as a violent convulsive movement 
agitated the umbrella covering. “ I put 
him in here for safe keeping, but once 
when it sprinkled a little and I didn’t 
want to wet my bonnet, I forgot all 
about him and raised the umbrella. 
When he came tumbling out I guess the 
people nearby thought it had begun to 
rain cats and dogs. I was lucky to get 
him again. A gentleman who was carry- 
ing home a hammock lassoed him or 
netted him, or something — anyhow he 
caught him, and I popped him back into 
the umbrella and let my bonnet take 
care of itself. The little scamp would 
like to get away again, I’ve no doubt. 
Did I hear you call him Gyppie ? He’s 
a friend of yours, then?” 

‘‘Not of mine, but of my grand- 
mother’s ; I’m only slightly acquainted 
with him,” Amy Dora answered. “ I left 
him at home when I came down-town, 
but he must have escaped from the house 
in some way. I don’t see how he man- 
[ 153 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


aged to get so far from home-— unless he 
came in the gravity train/' 

“ Some dogs are very knowing. Do 
you wish to take him ?” 

Why, I don't know," returned Amy 
Dora hesitatingly. “ I couldn't carry 
him unless you would lend me your 
umbrella, and of course I shouldn't like 
to ask you to do that. And, beside, he's 
so heavy I couldn't carry him very well 
anyway. I don't see what I am going 
to do." 

I've an idea," said the stout woman, 
after thinking hard for a moment. “ I'll 
just call and hand him over to the Parcel 
Delivery people, and they'll tag him and 
take him home for you. That will be 
better than having him tag you around 
all the rest of the day." 

“Oh, if you only will," said Amy 
Dora, feeling greatly relieved ; and, 
after giving the stout woman her address, 
and receiving from her full directions 
for finding Pennypuller, Pinch & Trot- 
bouncing's, she parted from her much 
easier in mind than she had been for 

[ 154 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


some time. Before she could reach the 
great department store, however, her 
attention was turned from it and every- 
thing else by the gaudily painted front 
of a place of amusement over the doorway 
of which she read this alluring an- 
nouncement : 

MADAME TROUSSEAUX^S UNRIVALED 
COLLECTION OF WAXWORKS 

CAN BE SEEN TO-DAY FOR TWENTY-FIVE 
CENTS 

TO-MORROW WILL COST YOU FIFTY 

EMBRACE THE OPPORTUNITY BEFORE IT 
IS TOO LATE 

I never shall have a better chance to 
save twenty-five cents,’’ thought Amy 
Dora. ‘‘My father says the next best 
thing to earning money is saving it, and 
as I can’t earn any I must try and save 
all I can. It is my duty^to go in there 
and — ” But at this moment she remem- 
bered the loss of her pocketbook, and 
exclaimed, in a tone of deep disappoint- 
ment : “ Oh, what a shame ! I can’t save 

[ 155 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


even that one little quarter, and I may 
not have another chance for ever and 
ever so long/’ 

However, the entrance looked at- 
tractive, and as there could be no charge 
for visiting that, she mounted the broad 
flight of steps that led to the lobby where 
the ticket-office was situated. The only 
person she saw there, besides the ticket- 
seller, was a woman who seemed to be 
bending down to tie her shoe. But when 
Amy Dora drew nearer she discovered 
that the woman was not of flesh and 
blood, but one of Madame Trousseaux’s 
collection of wax figures placed at the 
entrance as an advertisement of what 
was to be seen inside. While she was 
standing quite motionless, gazing in 
round-eyed surprise at this dummy, 
several persons came along to visit the 
show. 

‘‘ Just look at that little girl !” cried 
one of them, isn’t she too natural for 
anything?” 

As they passed onward it dawned upon 
Amy Dora that they had mistaken her, 
[ 156 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


with her golden hair, blue eyes and pink 
cheeks, for a wax figure, and a bright 
idea came into her head. 

‘‘Perhaps, after all, I may get in 
without paying,^’ she thought. “ If I 
stand perfectly stick, stack, stock still 
and don’t move an eyelash, they may 
think I am a waxwork and take me and 
put me with the others.” 

She had hardly resolved on trying 
this scheme when there appeared from 
within an odd-looking old man, small 
and shriveled and stoop-shouldered and 
shaky. He wore a sort of uniform, much 
faded, and his cap bore upon its front the 
letters in tarnished gilt, “ M. T. W. W.” 
He carried an enormous feather duster, 
and, in a doddering, pottering way, began 
to dust the paint-work about the lobby. 
This done, he proceeded to dust the 
woman tying her shoe-lace, and then he 
caught sight of Amy Dora. 

“ I van !” he exclaimed, in a queer, 
cracked voice, and with a start of 
surprise, “ however did you git here ?” 

Amy Dora almost forgot herself so far 

[ 157 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


as to answer him, but without seeming 
to notice the silent movement which she 
made before recovering herself — his eyes 
were weak and watery — he went on, 
talking to himself: 

‘‘ It must be one o’ them new figgers 
that Madam’s been and bought. They 
hadn’t ought to’ve left it stan’in’ here; 
it might a got stole if I hadn’t happened 
to come out. I’ll take it along inside.” 

Thereupon, raising Amy Dora in his 
arms, he carried her through a private 
door into a hall containing a great many 
wax images of men and women, supposed 
to be correct representations of kings and 
queens, presidents and rulers, and other 
illustrious personages, living or dead, 
from various parts of the world. An 
orchestra of dark, foreign-looking men 
was playing on a stage at one end, and a 
few scores of visitors were either gathered 
near to listen to the music, or wandering 
about the hall gazing at the figures. 

‘'Now what’ll I do with her?’' the 
old fellow mumbled — evidently he had 
a confirmed habit of talking to himself. 

[ 158 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


“Shall I put her in ’long o’ Queen 
Victory’s grandchildren — one more o’ 
less o’ them wouldn’t count — or shall I 
pop her in ’mongst the Emp’ror o’ Ger- 
many’s fambly, or in with the See-zar o’ 
Rooshy’s darters? Le’ me see, one o’ 
the See-zar’s gals has been took away 
temp’ry to git fixed ’count o’ failin’ over 
t’other day an’ barkin’ her nose. I 
guess I’ll—” 

At this moment his soliloquy was in- 
terrupted. Amy Dora, who had been 
keeping her eyes wide open that she 
might see everything there was to be 
seen, suddenly saw something which she 
had no desire whatever to see. This 
was no less a spectacle than that of her 
Aunt Lucie, with the probable future 
Uncle Jack, crossing the floor and com- 
ing almost directly toward her. There 
were few other visitors in that part of 
the hall, and either Aunt Lucie or Mr. 
Jack would be almost certain to see and 
recognize Amy Dora, the latter thought 
guiltily, in which case she was sure of 
getting a talking-to and being sent home 

[ 159 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


in disgrace. She was not willing to 
give up her liberty without an effort, 
but the only thing she could think of to 
do was to turn her head a little so as to 
hide her face against the old man’s 
shoulder. This idea she managed to 
carry out, but unluckily the flowers and 
ornaments with which her large hat was 
trimmed got into the old man’s face 
and tickled his nose so as to make him 
sneeze. 

‘‘ Ah ! kishoo ! kishoo ! kishoo-oo- 
000 !” 

He sneezed with such violence that he 
shook himself all over, and not only 
that but he nearly dropped Amy Dora. 
Fearing a fall, she instinctively clutched 
at him to save herself, which action 
startled him so badly that again he 
almost let her go. 

I van !” he cried, in a scared voice, 
‘‘what’s got into me? I’d ha’ bet a 
cookie that the Agger ketched a holt o’ 
me then. Must ha’ been my ’magina- 
tion, I s’pose.” 

Amy Dora stiffened herself so as to 
[ 160 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


become as much like a wax figure as 
j)Ossible, and the old man continued on 
his way toward the group made up of 
the Czar of Russia and his family. 
Meanwhile Aunt Lucie and Mr. Jack 
had passed on and the immediate peril 
was over. 

‘‘ There quoth the old fellow, set- 
ting Amy Dora down with an air of 
relief, ‘‘ you’ll do for the Prensuss Olgy 
till the real Prensuss gits back from the 
hawspittle.” Then, after passing his 
duster lightly over her once or twice, 
greatly to her discomfort when it brushed 
across her face, he went shamblingly 
away. 

From her position behind the court 
train of the Czarina of Russia, Amy 
Dora could command a good view of the 
hall, which as the afternoon was waning 
had now become nearly emptied of 
visitors. But to lier vexation. Aunt 
Lucie and Mr. Jack persisted in remain- 
ing. They had found a cosy nook over 
where some of the English Kings stood 
or sat in regal state — near Henry VIII 
[ 161 ] 


.11 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


and his six wives. Here they ensconced 
themselves with heads very close to- 
gether, quite as if they intended to stay 
as long as the waxworks show remained 
open. Their position was directly oppo- 
site that of Amy Dora, and they could 
have seen her easily had they not been 
too much taken up with each other to 
notice anything or anybody else. But 
Amy Dora’s guilty conscience made a 
coward of her and she hardly dared so 
much as wink lest they should happen to 
glance across and catch her at it. So 
she was obliged to stand painfully still 
and be extra careful not to make the 
slightest sound. 

It seemed as if several hours must 
have passed, and still Aunt Lucie and 
Mr. Jack did not go. By and by the 
old man hobbled back with a small bag 
in his hand. Sitting down on the edge 
of the platform in front of Amy Dora, 
he opened the bag and took from it a 
bottle and something neatly wrapped in 
a snow-white napkin. This proved to 
be bis supper. 


[ 162 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Now le’ me see/’ he said to himself 
— and Amy Dora had no trouble in 
hearing every word — “ what my woman 
has give me to satisfy the cravin’s o’ 
hunger. Sangwidge an’ jelly-roll an’ 
apple-pie. My !” — he smacked his lips 
noisily — this certainly is good enough 
for prences and potentates.” He bit 
a large piece from the sandwich. 

M-m-m,” he mumbled, ‘‘ this sang- 
widge tastes good, and the jelly-roll looks 
good, and the apple pie is good, I know. 
I tell ’em my woman doos make the best 
apple pie, if I do say it that shouldn’t — 
she doos make the very best apple pie of 
any woman, I don’t C9-re who ’tis, that 
the President of these United States 
presides over. The crust is jus’ as short 
as — as pie-crust, and the juiciest apples 
sliced thin, and a drop o’ lemon, an’ 
sweetened with genuwine maple sugar, 
and lust a wee dust o’ cinnamon — oh, 
my !” 

This description and the sight of the 
food tempted Amy Dora so sorely — for 
she now found that she was desperately 

[ 163 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


hungry — that when presently the old 
fellow picked up his bottle and refreshed 
himself with a long draught of cold tea, 
she quickly stooped and, reaching for- 
ward, snatched a piece of the pie — it was 
a quarter cut in two — and began to eat 
it ravenously. It was delicious and in 
no way fell short of the old man’s praises. 
Amy Dora enjoyed it greatly, though she 
could not refrain from making some 
noise in eating it, especially as she felt 
obliged to put it out of sight with the 
utmost possible dispatch. When it was 
about three-quarters gone the old man 
happened to turn, and she knew he was 
going to look up at her. Before he could 
do so, however, she succeeded somehow 
in cramming what was left of the pie 
into her mouth. Then, hastily brushing 
the crumbs from her lips with her 
tongue, she dropped her hands and 
resumed her former position. The old 
fellow stared for some moments in silent 
bewilderment, then exclaimed : 

“ I van ! be I a loosin’ of my eyesight, 
or is that new figger’s face fuller’n ’twas 

[ 164 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


a spell ago ? Doos seem^s if its cheeks 
had growed mighty kind o’ chunky like, 
it doos for a fact. Wax ain’t meltin’ an’ 
beginnin’ to run, is it?” 

Amy Dora thought he never was 
going to take his gaze off her, but he did 
at last, and directed it toward his pie. 
Immediately he gave a cry of dismay. 

‘‘ Well, I do vum ! be I a goin’ loony ? 
I ain’t never been an’ et part o’ that pie ! 
I couldn’t ’ve, and me not finished the 
sandwidge fust. ’Twould be doin’ things 
wrong eend foremost, and I know I ain’t 
done it. No, I don’t taste no taste of 
cinnamon in my mouth. It’s dretful sort 
o’ queer about that pie. My woman 
always puts up a quarter of a pie, but if 
that there is a quarter of a pie, I’d just 
like to see the shape of the pie ’twas cut 
out of.” 

Having swallowed with two or three 
painful gulps what was left of her 
pilfered lunch, Amy Dora kept very 
quiet after this, and finally the old man 
finished eating and grumbling, and took 
himself off, much to her relief. Soon 

[ 165 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


afterward Aunt Lucie and Mr. J ack went 
too, and she was able to slip out from 
among the Russian imperial family, and 
presently to escape to the street. In 
trying to find her way to Pennypuller, 
Pinch & Trotbouncing’s Great Depart- 
ment Store, however, she wandered about 
so long that she was beginning to fear 
she had gone very far astray, when a 
curiously familiar voice called out to 
her : 

‘‘ Hi ! hi ! hi ! are you lost, or what ?” 


[1661 


The Checked Baby and 
The Tearful Mother 




CHAPTEE VII 


THE CHECKED BABY AND THE TEARFUL 
MOTHER 

I T was the shipper, with his straw 
hat, gunnybag apron and open- 
work shoes, who had hailed Amy 
Dora, and he was standing in the same 
doorway where she had seen him first. 

No, I am not exactly lost,’’ she said 
doubtfully, but — 

Not lost, but mislaid perhaps,” he 
suggested, smiling. I reckoned you 
were coming for that carriage.” 

‘‘ Yes, I should like the carriage as 
soon as I can go and get the baby. I 
left him at the check-room of Penny- 
puller, Pinch and — and so forth’s.” 

Well, this is Pennypuller, Pinch’s 
rear entrance,” said the shipper ; come 
right along with me and I’ll show you 
the check-room.” 

At the check-room the former attend- 

[ 169 ] 


Amy Dora s Amusing Day 


ant had been replaced by a younger and 
more agreeable one. She really looked 
quite distressed when she was told by 
Amy Dora that her check was missing. 
It was a rule of the establishment, she 
said, that no babies or other parcels 
should be delivered from the check-room 
unless on presentation of the correspond- 
ing check. 

Excuse my speaking of it,'' said Amy 
Dora, after a few moments' hesitation, 
but I left a small cash deposit here, 
and as my pocketbook is gone I shall 
need some money to pay my carfare 
home." 

The attendant opened a big account- 
book and consulted it briefly. '' There 
was a deposit of twenty-flve cents, you 
are right," she said. “ I And charged 
against it, however, the sum of six cents 
for milk to feed the baby, and one cent 
for a rattle to amuse him when he cried 
and woke up all the other babies. Could 
you get home with the eighteen cents 
remaining ?" she asked, passing out the 
money. 


[ 170 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


‘‘ I couldn’t very well get home with 
all of it,” replied Amy Dora, who liked 
precision, but I can use part of it for 
carfare, and get home with what is left — 
unless my pocket should happen to be 
picked on the way.” Taking the money, 
she was moving olf, when a thought 
struck her which caused her to turn 
again to the window. ‘‘ Could you — 
could you just as well lend that baby to 
me long enough for me to try whether 
he fits the carriage I left with the 
shipper?” she inquired diffidently. 

The attendant demurred at this strange 
request at first, but finally decided to 
gratify Amy Dora, and handed the baby 
out. She seized the baby eagerly and 
hurried back to her friend the shipper. 
He at once produced the pram and she 
placed the baby in it, finding that he 
fitted it, or it fitted him to perfection. 
As she was arranging the coverlet a 
much-flushed and excited young woman 
came hurrying upon the scene. 

'' Oh, miss, you have my baby,” she 
cried breathlessly, my dear, darling, 
[ 171 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


sweet little baby. I am so glad. Where 
did you find him V 

“ I found this baby on the floor/^ an- 
swered Amy Dora stifily and not at all 
pleased at finding a probable owner for 
her intended playmate. I stubbed my 
toe against him — that is to say, the check 
for him, and — ’’ 

He’s mine,” interrupted the woman, 
somewhat uneasy at Amy Dora’s manner 
of treating her claim. 

“ He may be,” was Amy Dora’s cool 
rejoinder, ‘‘ but your saying so doesn’t 
prove it.” 

Why, he is mine, miss, my very own,” 
protested th« woman. I’ll show you 
that he is.” She stooped over the car- 
riage, extending her hands invitingly 
toward the child. ‘‘Want to come?” 
she cooed, “ does oo want to turn ?” 

The baby waved his fat fists and 
crowed delightedly in response. 

“ Pooh ! that’s no proof,” said Amy 
Dora. “ I can make him do that. See !” 
Then she bent forward, as the woman 
had done. “ Want to come,” she re- 

[ 172 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


peated, smiling down at the child, “ does 
00 want to turn 

The baby, thinking it a game to amuse 
him, waved his fists more energetically 
and crowed even louder than before. 

There ! you see,^^ she said trium- 
phantly. 

But he is mine,’’ the woman insisted, 

my very ownest own baby and the only 
one I have, too.” 

“ Then you ought to have been more 
careful of him,” said Amy Dora reprov- 
ingly. I don’t see how you could have 
been so extraordinarily careless as to go 
and lose him.” 

‘Tt was careless. I’ll allow,” said the 
woman meekly. “ You see miss, I took 
him out of his carriage to go into a store 
where there were some bargains adver- 
tised — some perfectly lovely chromos in 
seven colors for only — ” 

Chromos are dear at any price,” put 
in Amy Dora disdainfully. “My papa 
says they are machine-made imitations 
of bad art.” 

“ Then there were some of the beauti- 


[ 173 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


fullest bronzed clothes-pins tied with 
cherry and old-gold satin ribbons,^ the 
woman was continuing, when the pitiless 
Amy Dora interrupted again. 

‘'Now what possible use could you have 
for bronzed clothes-pins tied with old 
satin ribbons?’’ she -demanded. 

“Not old ribbons, miss, they were 
brand-new — or a little mite shop -worn, 
perhaps, but they’d never been used one 
bit, and they were marked way, way 
down below zero ’most. Well, anyway, 
when I came out of that store some bad, 
wicked person had run off with the car- 
riao*e. I didn’t know what to do at first, 
hat finally I hurried into Pennypuller 
and — and the rest of it, and got the baby 
checked. Then, somehow, I lost the 
check, and didn’t know it till long after- 
wards. I was in such a dreadful hurry, 
you see, rushing over to the police-station 
to give notice about the carriage. And 
they kept me there a long time, and then 
they finally caught the thief and wanted 
me to stay a long while more to be a wit- 
ness against him, although they didn’t 
[ 174 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


find tlie carriage, which they thought 
the wind must have blown away, and — 
and there wag a lot of bother, and I 
didn’t get away till half an hour ago, 
when I came straight back here. And 
now you won’t give me my baby.” 

She was a very young woman and she 
looked as if she were going to cry. Amy 
Dora began to relent a little from her 
cruelty, but she would not yet admit that 
she was entirely satisfied. She stepped 
quickly in front of the child and spread 
her skirts so as to hide him fi'oin the 
woman. 

If he is yours you must prove prop- 
erty by describing him,” she announced 
with great firmness. 

“Oh, I can do that easily enough, 
miss,” returned the woman, changing 
her mind about crying, and beginning 
almost to smile. “He has golden hair, 
blue eyes, a little bit of a nose, not much 
mouth, six teeth, a scratch on the front 
of his neck that was made with a pin 
when I was dressing him, and — ” 

“Wait !” commanded Amy Dora ; and, 

[ 175 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


turning to the baby, she opened his lips 
with her fingers and peered into his 
mouth. '' Six teeth, you say. Yes, that’s 
right, four up-stairs and two down. And 
I see the scratch under his chin. Well, 
1 suppose he must be your baby, but you 
can’t have him, because you were care- 
less enough to lose the check, and I was 
so unfortunate as to have it stolen, so he 
belongs in Window B until — ” 

‘'Dear! dear!” broke in the woman, 
beginning to cry in reality this time, 
" how very cruel that I can’t have my 
own baby ! Will they — will he have to 
live at Window B for the rest of his 
life?” she asked, tearfully. 

Before Amy Dora could make any 
reply to this question, a man, out of 
breath and red with running, entered 
the shipping-room. It was the same 
one who had volunteered to set off in 
pursuit of the thief. 

" I caught him. I got it,” he an- 
nounced, holding up the portmonnaie in 
triumph ; but he had not had a chance 
to place it in its owner’s hands when the 
[ 176 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


young mother rushed up to him and 
threw her arms around his neck, crying 
out : 

Oh, Jotham, these wicked people at 
Pennypulley, Pinch and — and all that 
are going to keep our little Washie 
Georgington — I mean Georgie Wash- 
ington for ever and ever so long, if not 
always, just because the old check was 
lost and stolen and — ’’ 

Stop !” interposed Amy Dora, who 
had picked up the pocketbook as it fell 
from the astonished young man’s hand, 
“ don’t waste your tears ; you’ll need 
them next time you lose him. Here’s 
your check all right, so you can redeem 
him and stop crying, or stop crying first 
if you’ve no objections and can just as 
well. And here’s something to buy a 
little present for him — ” 

Without waiting for Amy Dora to 
finish her sentence, the woman seized the 
check, and, with baby, baby-carriage and 
husband, hurried off to arrange matters 
satisfactorily at Window B ; and that was 
the last she saw of any one of them. 

[ 177 ] 


19 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Amy Dora reached home just before 
Aunt Lucie, and soon afterward a parcel 
delivery wagon stopped in front of the 
house. 

‘‘ Why, what does this mean ?” ex- 
claimed Aunt Lucie, as a man came up 
the steps with a struggling, snapping, 
snarling pug dog in his arms. “ Why 
is he bringing that animal here ?” 

Because I — the stout woman told 
him to,” said Amy Dora in a faint 
voice. She had hoped the dog would 
have been brought home before Aunt 
Lucie should learn of his escape. 

Without a word Aunt Lucie went out 
into the hall where a servant was admit- 
ting the expressman. 

“ Ten cents, if you please,” said the 
latter, dropping the pug with an air of 
great relief, and it’s worth ten times as 
much to bring him — the little spit- 
fire. Hi ! hi ! now there’ll be a rumpus 
sure.” 

Unperceived by anybody till now, 
another dog had squeezed through a 
partly open doorway, and was coming 
[ 178 ] 



“ ‘ NOW, AMY DORA, TELL ME THE WHOLE STORY ' V 


[ 179 ] 


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Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


toward the first dog with an air of fierce 
hostility. Amy Dora stared at the two 
in dismay and astonishment. They 
were as like as two peas and each wore 
the same shade of ribbon about his neck. 
It was clear now that she had made a 
blunder ; the dog she had seen down- 
town was not Gyppie at all. How much 
trouble she might have saved herself if 
she had discovered it earlier. 

“ Separate them 1 stop them !” cried 
Aunt Lucie, as the two pugs, after 
warily circling about for a moment, sud- 
denly flew at each other’s throats. 

The expressman darted forward and 
seized one of the combatants, while the 
servant who had come to open the door 
laid hold of the other. Thus, though 
both continued to bark furiously, the 
danger of bloodshed and an unpleasant 
scene was averted. 

‘‘ ril give you a dollar if you’ll take 
that creature away,” said Aunt Lucie to 
the parcel delivery man. 

‘‘ Where shall I take him ?” the man 
asked. 


[ 181 ] 


Amy Dora’s Amusing Day 


Look on bis collar, and see if his 
address isn’t given there.” 

The man lifted the baby blue ribbon 
and presently found a metal plate bear- 
ing the inscription “ T. Nettleven, Hotel 
Walled-Off” When he had taken his 
dollar and departed with the duplicate 
Gyppie, and the original Gyppie had 
been put back into the library, Aunt 
Lucie said severely : 

‘‘ Now, Amy Dora, tell me the whole 
story.” 

Then Amy Dora shamefacedly con- 
fessed to the last detail. 

“Well, Amy Dora Applegate,” said 
Aunt Lucie, sighing heavily, “ your case 
is beyond me. I shall leave it for your 
mother to decide what shall be the 
proper punishment.” 

But as this story is being written to- 
day, and Amy Dora’s mother did not 
return until to-morrow, just what she 
will decide to do to Amy Dora must 
be left to the imagination of the reader. 


THE END. 
[ 182 ] 




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NOV 15 1904 


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